I fled Him down the nights and down the days.
I fled Him down the arches of the years.
I fled Him down the labyrinthine ways
of my own mind: And in the midst of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter
Up vistaed hopes i sped;
Down titanic glooms of chasmed fears
From those strong feet that followed, that followed after
For though i knew His love that followed
Yet i was sore adread
Lest having Him i have naught else beside.
All that i took from thee i did but take
Not for thy harms
But just that thou might'st seek it in My arms.
All which thy child's mistake fancies are lost
I have stored for thee at home:
"Rise, clasp My hand and come."
Halts by me that footfall:
is my gloom after all,
shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly.
Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,
I am He whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee, that dravest Me.
-Hound of Heaven-
Francis Thompson
Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!
Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.
Some love too little, some too long,
Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
Yet each man does not die.
*
*
*
And thus we rust Life's iron chain
Degraded and alone:
And some men curse, and some men weep,
And some men make no moan:
But God's eternal Laws are kind
And break the heart of stone.
And every human heart that breaks,
In prison-cell or yard,
Is as that broken box that gave
Its treasure to the Lord,
And filled the unclean leper's house
With the scent of costliest nard.
Ah! happy they whose hearts can break
And peace of pardon win!
How else may man make straight his plan
And cleanse his soul from Sin?
How else but through a broken heart
May Lord Christ enter in?
-The Ballad of reading Gaol-
Oscar Wilde
Wanted to post this for a while now but never really got round to it...some of my favourite poems. Penned by (to me) two of the most disturbingly honest writers. Francis Thompson led a truly sad life and Oscar Wilde was a genius but a suffering soul. Well, it's still an amazing insights.
Anyways; it's update time..
1. Back at work..first week of school. Finding the new role quite interesting. We have new teachers that are joining us, which is a big help. At first did feel kinda intimidated cos we've got some really experienced teachers coming in & i kinda had to give them directives on how the school works. Part of me still can't believe i'm a young working *dreading this* ADULT..haha! Time have sure flown . But it's not without its perks though. With all that God has done & all the life lessons i've gone through..i won't trade where i am now with anyone else or any other time but the present. None the less, work still must be done. Learning so much on the working life now & yeah! it's fun being an adult...
2. EYM is undergoing some changes in the structure & our meeting time & place. Joanna who has turned out to be so dear to us will not be able to commit as EYM committee anymore but she has promised that she'll still be more than happy to help us out in anything that we might need. So, that still fine with us...anyhu, the major change...EYM's moving to ARC from mid feb onwards & service time will be from 5.30-7.30pm..
3. Seems like the new year kicked off with some extra added responsibilities & roles. Some shift of priorities now but at least this i know for sure, i'm taking it up because i want to & i know i should. Besides work's, church now comes with a whole new level of a role . Though am still figuring things out and seeking for directions on the next step in this role, i'm excited on the new challenge. It feels awkward & strange but just the perfect push to be in that place where you know you're helpless but so wanna help, and in the midst of it; you find yourself seeking Him so much that He becomes so close that a whisper is heard. Anyways, the church is His instrument & the only one medium where His standard and His kingdom is revealed to the world. And we are the church . We should be the ones who really understand and know how life really works.
4. The trip down to west m'sia made me remember how much i love travelling. So, by God's grace would like to do that more this year but not really travelling for travelling sake, you know. To elaborate..allow me to tell you this story;
2 years back, i was on the last flight to KL. And just before going into the departure hall i went for a cup of coffee...noticed this guy who was also sitting there & funny thing is i just totally had this strong feeling i might know him but truth is, he was a total stranger.
Then i met with an old classmate & we got to talk.We boarded the same flight, so naturally i was engrossed in talking to her. Told myself i wanna sit with her on the plane so we could continue talking (mana tau boleh plan the seed..hehe..) But somehow, she wanted an aisle seat & there were already passenger in the next chair to her. So, i took the the aisle seat across hers which was available & as i sat down, then i realized sitting at the window seat of my row was the guy i saw at the cafe (strange alarms sounded off in my head)..
He was reading & i was still engross in my talk & that was it..well, only for the next 30 minutes.
After a while, my friend & i stopped talking because it was the last flight out & many of the passengers were trying to rest. So, i took my book out & read. From the corner of my eyes, i kinda caught a glimspe of what he was reading. It looked like a chinese Bible. So, i thought..cool! But he's a guy. In honesty, if it was a girl sitting there; i would have in all confidence strike up a conversation.
But when it comes to a guy who barely looked like he was in his twenties & a total stranger - i won't (believe in or not..the feeling i felt was close to 'malu'..i don't think i feel it often but i know how it feels..haha!!) but as i sat there reading, i just cannot shake of the feeling that i MUST speak to him to a point it felt as if there was a nudge and a whisper at my side to do it. BUT what would i say? Dah la my chinese so terrible, how would we converse? Guy again! How would it look?- those were my thoughts.
And as i sat there battling these questions..i came to a part of the book that i'm reading that had these verses jump out at me ' Althought the Lord gives you bread of adversity & water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it". Isa. 30:20-21.
THAT WAS IT! I put down the book..mustered my strengths & steadied my nerves and said 'HI"
As it turns out, Song (the guy's name) is a 25 yr old Korean. It was a strange looking conversation..in between me speaking no korean & his broken english we had a lot of hand signals to try to explain things. But none the less, it actually turn out to be quite unforgetable.
He was on his way to KL after visiting mulu caves & 'rave' about how great it was. I told him the irony of me being a mirian but have never stepped into mulu before. He suggested 'Next time, we go together.' sounds like a plan to me.. anyhu..the interesting thing is this.
He is a Christian..who became very committed to his faith after the dad who was a pastor past away a few years back. I asked him what he sees himself doing in the near future and he actually was able to tell me that he wanted to own a travel agency that will look into the needs of missionaries especially when they're travelling.
He seemed to have a love for travelling & the mission field. I told him that i too would wanna be involve in the mission field & joked that if i were to travel under his agency that i would get a major discount..he said ok..
so for the next 90minutes of the flight...we kept on talking. Not bad for 2 strangers who don't even speak a common fluent language..
Why am i telling you this? because that same feeling that i KNOW i should talk to him is the very same one i want to have for this next plan of mine. If i had one wish, i would want to travel some of the places i've always wanted to go..but i don't want it to be for leisure sake only. It must mean something..
What are the places, i hear you ask? hehe..
The kathmandu treks in Nepal, the streets of India and a place call Ooty, Angkor wat in Cambodia, the floating market of thailand, the amazon river & rainforest, the ruins of old Greece and it's seaside villages and Prague.
Sadness for me is to be where you wanted to be and finding it isn't really what you want.
So, because of that, i will wait. And as i wait, He is at work..bringing people & situations into my life and it is beautiful because of who He is. So, this is my dream but it doesn't really matter where as long as He is there..but btw, HE HAS NEVER FAIL!
So, to our God who hears our prayers & know our dreams & hope..it is well!
Thought i leave you with these pics...
Touch down at the airport with Song.
Korean Bible
Blessed new year, everyone!!
