brace yourself..this is kind of a long one :)

first a story...

Let me introduce to you a man call Will Campbell.

Now, Will Campbell was born on a farm in Mississippi (southern USA) & although he was born in those rural areas; he never quite fit in. He was a bookworm, and he worked really hard in his studies. He eventually made his way to Yale Divinity School and after graduation, he returned south to take on the role of the director of religious life at the University of Mississippi.

This was in the early 1960s, where most 'proper' Mississipians were againts integration (at that time, the black americans were regarded as nothing more than second class citizens and the intergration movement was a civil rights crusade where they demanded equal rights for them. So you have heroes like Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks & etc coming out from that generation). When the school found out about Will Campbell's liberal view on integration (he was a integration supporter that is), he was asked to resign from his post.

So, he did & he soon found himself in the thick of the battle. He was leading voters registration drivers and also a big group of young idealistics northerners that have migrated to the south to help in the movement. One of them was a young man, who was a student of the Harvard Divinity School named Jonathan Daniels. After the big march in Selma, a lot of them went back to the North but Jonathan Daniels stayed on and Will eventually befriended him.

The funny thing was in those days, most of the opposition to the intergration movement came from 'good Christians' who refused to let people of other races into their churches & who hates it when anyone tries to change the laws back then that favors the white.

So, as a Christian himself; Will Campbell was going through a major testing on his beliefs not only from the non-Christian circles but mostly from the Christian circles; & ironically, most of his supporters came from the non-Christian circles who were concerned about civil rights.

P.D. East, a renegade newspaper editor whose personal view of Christians were not favorable at all. In fact, he viewed them as the enemy & as a intergration supporter himself; he cannot understand Will's stubborn commitment to his faith.

Then, one day; as they were either going to someplace or coming from someplace. P.D. East asked Will Campbell 'Let me have it. In TEN words; what is the Christian message?' and Will Campbell answered with much conviction ' WE ARE ALL BASTARDS BUT GOD LOVES US ANYWAYS.' 2 words short but that was his answer.

Unknown to Will, that statement actually stung P.D. East; because he was a illigitimate child and was called a bastard all his life.

Then, one day during the darkest period of Will Campbell's life, that statement was put to the greatest test. Jonathan Daniels, was arrested for picketing at a white store. When he was released from jail, he was making his way to a grocery store to make a call when a deputy sheriff by the name of Thomas Coleman appeared with a shotgun and emptied it in the twenty-six year old Jonathan Daniels' stomach. Jonathan died a bloody death in front of a grocery store. The shooting also critically injured a black teenager.

Will Campbell after receiving that news called the Department of Justice, the American Civil Liberties Union & to a lawyer friend; calling the death of his young friend as a total break down in civil rights, a violation of federal & state law and he, in rage used words like rednecks, backwoods, Kluxer and many others to decribe people like Thomas Coleman.

Then, that very same night; in that grief - P.D. East who was with him throughout the ordeal turn to Will Campbell & said 'Come on, brother. Let's talk about your definition.'

Even in that grief; he kept asking Will! Then finally...

"Was Jonathan a bastard?" P.D. asked first. Will replied that Jonathan was one of the most gentle guys he has ever known but it is true that everyone is a sinner; so in those term he reluctantly said "Yes, Jonathan is a bastard."

"Alright", P.D. asked next "Is Thomas Coleman a bastard?" Will found it much easier to say yes to this question.

Then, P.D. pulled his chair close & placed his bony hands on Will's knees & asked the most hardest & penetrating question of all "Which one of these two bastards do you think God loves the most?"

Suddenly, from the mouth of an agnostic; that question made everything clear to Will Campbell. He cried but yet laughed at the fact that he could sooo missed out on the very truth that he holds dear to. He was griefed on his friend's death but overjoyed too at the revelation of that truth.

That night changed everything for Will. He underwent a kind of earthquake of GRACE. He resigned from his position with the National Council of Churches & bought a farm in Tennessee.

Today, He is likely to be seen ministring amongst the Klansmens & racists; as much as he is seen helping the racial minorities. His call he says (after that night's revelation); is amongst the 'Thomas Colemans' of the world.

Story modified from 'What so amazing about grace?' Visual edition

which was inspired from the book itself...

alright...sinking in yet?

i must admit this was a hard story. In fact, this was a hard book. but maybe it's not really much on the book but the truth it carries with it. It's a hard truth - plain & simple but not really :) is that messing with your head yet? :D

i honestly say i don't know if i could even come close to what this man did...but I love God with every strain of my being. During times when it's easier to take the side of the victim ONLY and be ruthless and demanding blood to be from the side of those that wield the 'torment', i pray i may remember grace.

during times, when i'm on the hurting part that i may see through a different eye & not dwell or indulge in the wounds that are mine.

i'm not one to stay down & die. with the little that i have i want to fight for what is mine & what i deem is right.

can the quest for justice and truth be fought but not with swords or hurtful words but with grace?

can truth be uphold with grace & not violence?

i want to do what is right but i want to remember grace! i have never deserved God's redemption & forgiveness but He gave it anyways. could i also in that same breath ask that the same way i have received grace, let me give it out the same? eventhough the demands & expectations on our lives is high & pressured - can we still exercise grace? eventhough the talks & words may hurt, i may remember grace?

i dont think grace reduce us to useless doormats but grace must be essential in our quest for truth and justice. If not, we will be as ruthless as any conquerers or dictators of history.

oh! that we may remember that we are ALL sinners and that our only hope is His grace!

updates

some break down on what has been going on..not really in sequence. kinda forgot which came first & etc..

Nick had his graduation
The clan come in full support

Amy (aka the best friend) also graduated

and seeing her again is always a good thing :)


Slotted 2 ministry trips back to back..didn't go for the first one because of work but the team was all gamed for it


Trip 1

doing what they love best

the girls

the boys

The team


Trip 2
Had some car problem which left us to roam the compound of a Shell gas station for hours; nearly four hours to be exact. Wasn't all that bad but it just left me a little 'sien' of looking at another gas station for the next few days.

the team again :)


and ya! had a birthday & as usual, celebrated it together with my sis's because hers is just a few days after mine. yes! time sure have flown..

the females Lims

one of my favourite shot so far..courtesy of yet another aspiring photographer i'm very blessed to be surrounded with :)

well..was thinking bout something..



and this was a fun event not to be forgotten here too-the miri jazz festival. fun not entirely because of the event but more of the company.i had michelle, serena, and joy with me and that accounts to a great 'family' bonding time :) we dance til we could dance no more..

kinda like the blue lights here and Oja was a great dance-mate :)

alien was back :) which is always a great joy (insert irony here :P)

can you say b.l.i.s.s.? :)

that's about it.

photos are courtesies of

michelle

eric

they're getting soooo good! really :)


God bless, all!

Liking this VERY much. Thought i'd share it here



there are 10 vids all together for this interview so check it out. you soooo must :)



and some added vid




part 1




Part 2

although the topic is about the existence of satan but seriously quoting pr Mark Driscoll - it's beyond that.

It's not having an unhealthy fixture on the devil but it's more on finding out the mindblowing truth about the One who conquered him.


*i have a list of heroes in my life and Pr Mark's in it :) Just so you know*



Be challenged, be blessed, be inspired, ppl!


Go with God.

and it hit hard...

A friend of mine just went through one of the toughest weekend of her life. It was Easter weekend and she got nothing but bad news from 3 different perspective..so imagine, we're reminded of Christ death & celebrated His victorious resurrection on that particular week & here she was, struggling in that turmoil.

When I got word of what really happened, it was already a few days after that.

What i'm writing here are both a deep convictions on my part and full respect of her.

Convictions because I should have sense or seen it & should have taken the time to really ask her what happened but instead I didn't see it & we were so engrossed with the other things that were going around & in our own lives. But one thing i do thank God (so much) was that He provided wiser counsel for her. She had people she could talked to & He didn't leave her hanging, but even in the light of that - i shouldn't have assumed..i shouldn't have been so oblivious.

Next, a full respect because she might look burdened & even dismayed and although she didn't tell us anything at the point when things were happening - she held on. She didn't fake her emotions. She sang with sob of tears in her eyes but she sang hard.

For me, that's guts! That she worshipped God even though the pressure of the situations were mounting. Yes! she was angry..yes! she was extremely hurt..yes! It was unbearable..

It could have even been understandable if she withdrew from everything and just taking a time-out but instead, she didn't withdraw. She had her silent tears and aching look but she didn't withdraw.

The mess she landed herself in, 2 of it was so unnecessary & truly said - it's not even her fault to begin with, while the other one was unexpected & worrying.

So, i guess what i'm trying to say here is this; that weekend her devotion & worship cost her dearly. It's one thing to worship God in the midst of good & blessings but to still worship Him as a great & good God in the midst of such unnecessary troubles & unresolved mess - it's too mind boggling..it's too oxymoron! and the funny thing was, now that i know what i know - it was a powerful worship!

One way or another, the trouble is still unresolved today but we talk about it now. I pray she doesn't feel too alone in the struggle and if she reads my blog, i hope she comes out knowing she has both convicted and challenged me greatly! I thank her for not pretending. Her scars & pains are real..and her worship was even more real.

I believe with every ounce of my being that God is still good. Life is terribly unfair & stupid so many times but as real life hits & grabs us; God is even more real. He is not one who doesn't understand. The Bible says we have a High Priest (Jesus) who sympathise with us. He sympathise because He Himself understand what pain, betrayal, unfairness and loneliness are.

And that makes me love God more! Because how could I worship a God who is aloof or afar off? A mystic of a divine figure, who doesn't understand a shread of human emotions or struggle? I can't because it will be a total waste of time! I won't waste my short & mortal earthly life in trying to gain favor from a figure who doesn't give a 'hoot' about me!

But instead, we are told of a story of a great & loving God. Who not only say it but lived it. He came into human history because He is no liar neither cruel. Yes, there is pain & evil in the world because of sin, but just as He too lived in the midst of the sin-ravaged world - He showed us we can too.

He doesn't undermined the wickedness & pain but He said even that, even the aftermath of sin - can't 'kill' you. I'm not saying we 'switch-off' when we go through such heartbreaking pain and neither do we go foolishly looking for it but we go through none the less; we go through & persevere because even though you don't see any solution at all - that act of holding on to the truth that He will pull you through it, is in itself the lesson learned. That act of holding-on is in itself powerful!

Another lesson learned - don't make up your mind about something in a haste. Learn to REALLY see. When the Holy Spirit lives in us, the moment when we tend to come out strong in opinion & we sense a soft hint of doubt..rewind!


anyways, i thought i'd leave you all with a video by John Piper, who i regard as one of my heroes of faith :) This video spoke volume to me..i hope it does to you too...





Really go with God, people! Because He doesn't disappoint. Really!

and you think you could shock him?

pondering..so, these - my pondering thoughts..

could we honestly say God can be shock with the state of our hearts and the mess our lives have gotten into?

why am i asking? because recent events have made me remembered how i felt when i was going through a major turning point in my faith with God. The turning point couldn't have come at a more crazy period of my life. I was at a point where i was experimenting with everything i've always wanted to do and life everyday was a bliss, i made up my own mind, answered to no one, wanted to see exactly what i could get away with, i was the captain of my destiny, i had a plan for my life, and i had people in my life then that would never leave me lonely..and God was just a remote, sweet, lingering memory.

but yet..there was a fundamental truth, which i kinda forgot - He didn't forget me.

so after a long period of avoiding God (i still went to church btw and i was still nice :) but yeah..detached, fish out of water and a side-liner more like it); one day, all of a sudden i felt so restless and agitated and so lost...so HOMESICK! and also lonely (?!!?!) that i found myself on my knees on a hot, sweaty saturday afternoon in my room facing an open window and begging for something..anything in fact not to feel that way. i've never felt that depressed and empty..but i had all what i wanted, which rendered me clueless to begin with.

then, in that state..angry, clueless, lost, frustrated..i felt i had to take my bible. so i dusted the cobwebs of it (exaggerating..yedeh!) and in that cluelessnes..somehow, it opened up to Haggai 1 (even in my early hey days of being an enthusiastic Christian i don't remember ever noticing haggai much yet reading it). so, Haggai was a pleasant surprise..

and what really hit me was THIS...

Haggai 1

⁵ Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. ⁶ You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it."

AND

^{9"you expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house.}

should i describe what comes next? if i was alone in the house that day..the neighbours could have heard a screeching long wail and sobs of buried tears - but i had my pride and family still in the house; so, the tears and cries were reasonable quieter but honestly real none the less..

so..anyhoo...

that sweaty afternoon..i felt God speaking to me so loud and clear. through that pile of mess i was buried in - i still heard Him! it broke me to a point i didn't know how i was going to be after that. i didn't even know if i could get up.

but got up i did..i knew it was still a big mess..but something inside of me changed that afternoon.

the week to come was one of the most difficult for me. i couldn't tell anyone wat exactly was going on in the inside and now that i think about it..i should have let some ppl in on it. if i were to seek for some Godly counsel - i think it wasn't too difficult of a task for God to provide..but i didn't know then :)

so, i tried to stay to myself a bit..trying to gather my thoughts so to say..eemmm..but can i honestly say, that i still fail. guess i kinda had a reputation or status quo to keep or should i say a lifestyle to entertain - so i thought! (if i could go back in time, i would have slapped myself silly for even thinking that)

there were major tug-of-war sessions going on..at a point i even got angry with God for starting the whole 'conscience' or 'stirring-in-the-heart' thing but then i realise i was beginning to see and feel and understand things..although it was very painful - i never felt so alive.

there were shame, doubt, second thoughts, the 'what-ifs' and 'how-about-this?' but there was also that hunger and thirst and the *arghh!* groaning inside to want to just be ok with God. i desperately missed Him and longed so much to be accepted again..to not feel so crappy inside.

i knew i was a hypocrite..and messed up. it felt as if i was that salt that has lost its saltiness..

and through it all..what held me was this - i KNOW i heard Him! i know He called me and deep down i knew He understands!

so one thing led to another..for my case, i had to cut off a lot of things because all of a sudden i lost all appetite to what used to thrill me. in fact i felt revolted and restless..and all the backlashes i got because of that - well, let just say it wasn't a pretty picture :)

but those moments when i felt as if i couldn't hold my ground; things happen where somehow i thought i would crumple - but i didn't. i found myself still standing and more determined to pursue this! to pursue Him.

then came one decision that now that i looked at it - i knew it was God at work. i came back to Miri or should i say - i HAD to come back to Miri. i was angry with the decision and i showed it and i went into a relapse..hehe..

then, God intervined in a remarkable way. along came a camp - an EYM camp! Pr John was still a stranger then; i didn't know him, didn't want to know him and didn't trust him (hehe..i don't think he reads my blog but ah well - true story) and i don't know what possesed him to one day ask me to lead a song. ME?!!! i haven't sang anything remotely 'churchy' for a long period of time!

but i sang..i kinda forgot what i sang but that day felt as if every ounce of my hope was resting on the words of that song because i remembered some lines in it that talked about the desperate cry of wanting to be in His presence and that i could only offer what i can bring...something like that

So, that incident somehow ignited that restless pursuit again and i went on. with whatever that was left of me i went on. i didn't know much but i needed to make it right with Him, i was determined to know Him.

to end it all, with this experience in mind. One of my greatest fear back then was that i felt God was appalled at my life. i was determined, but relapsed and determined again. one way or another, i couldn't really fathom how He would willingly give anyone a second chance.

then i learned something. the human heart and its nature - what made me think God wouldn't understand them? if Christ died on that cross for my sins, for all of mankind most unspeakable, detestable and gruesome of sins - wouldn't it be logic that He understand the degree of the corruptness of sin? He must have seen it all! He must know!

i thought He couldn't take it but He bore it all on that cross. Not only could he take it - He conquered it! He didn't stay dead! He understands the human nature more than anything or anyone in existence. He must! because what trust do anyone of us have on a naive Saviour? He wasn't oblivious.

do we trust enough that He is sovereign? His grace is there so is His strength. I believe in God's law, we don't take His grace for granted but i also know He understands i'm human. When i think i can't, i bring it all out to the surface, and He has never fail me. He might answer very differently from what i expected but He never failed.

so, i think He's not done with me yet and i don't think i'm done with what i'm suppose to be doing :) so, i'm walking on; i'm pursuing on..

hold steady, people!

Go with God!

project

Sarikei '09 was a blast (so i heard)

gearing up for the next ministry trip. will be away for the weekend :)

and our pending project. song writing.

why? because, why not? it's worth a try and at times don't you feel you somehow just want to express your worship, awe, gratefulness, hope, and even struggles or lessons learned in your walk with God?

to just put it out there...

so, here's our maiden project of 'putting-it-out-there'


this is call 'free in You'




Go with God, people!

for now..

goodbye & the best of everything for now to the latest of the retards that just left us for aussie-land, esther.

the food was good, the company greater and that made up for a one heck of an evening..

and some of the avid photographers kept snapping away..

the lady of the night - esther

esther & jo

esther, jo & i

the leader of the pack

the eagle's wings presenting session ;)

the girl & her guitar

pine + apple..hehe..

gavin

photos courtesy of Nick

DO YOU SEE YOUR CALLING?

"Separated unto the Gospel." Romans 1:1

Our calling is not primarily to be holy men and women, but to be proclaimers of the Gospel of God. The one thing that is all important is that the Gospel of God should be realized as the abiding Reality.

Reality is not human goodness, nor holiness, nor heaven, nor hell; but Redemption; and the need to perceive this is the most vital need of the Christian worker to-day. As workers we have to get used to the revelation that Redemption is the only Reality. Personal holiness is an effect, not a cause, and if we place our faith in human goodness, in the effect of Redemption, we shall go under when the test comes.

Paul did not say he separated himself, but - "when it pleased God who separated me. . ." Paul had not a hypersensitive interest in his own character. As long as our eyes are upon our own personal whiteness we shall never get near the reality of Redemption.

Workers break down because their desire is for their own whiteness, and not for God. "Don't ask me to come into contact with the rugged reality of Redemption on behalf of the filth of human life as it is; what I want is anything God can do for me to make me more desirable in my own eyes."

To talk in that way is a sign that the reality of the Gospel of God has not begun to touch me; there is no reckless abandon to God. God cannot deliver me while my interest is merely in my own character. Paul is unconscious of himself, he is recklessly abandoned, separated by God for one purpose - to proclaim the Gospel of God (cf. Rom. 9:3.)

Oswald Chambers
My utmost for His highest
(31st Jan reading)

Get it? get it!

It has never been about us, our preoccupation with ourselves. Neither our image or how we preceived ourselves standing before God. It's all about Him. What He alone has done!

So, if the finished work of the cross is enough then whatever i've busied myself with, i cannot not worship Him. I worship Him because of the revelation of who He is and my character flows through that relationship.

can you not see that simplicity? when i know Him, i do not need to defend myself nor my characters neither my dreams nor convictions because if i know its how its suppose to be and i do it, the cost eventhough its a piercing pain would somehow passed. it does not haunt me.

when i know Him, my attitude and care for others is not something i forced out of me but something He made alive in me. that i somehow adopted my Father's love. i take on to care about what He cares about.

the freedom to do what's on my Father's heart..that reckless abandonment, its not making us into a wimp unable to face the grit of real life but in that paradox, it is when i surrender that i'm truly free. so free that there's an unspeakable strength that arises when met with every kind of situation. i learn to be His even in those vein-squeezing moments and i want to be His for whatever that transpire in this one life.

heard somewhere that obedience is simple when we obey..oxymoron somehow but true.

so you feeling yourselves struggling unecessary somehow?

maybe you should stop and truly ask why?

what treasures have we set our hearts on?

we somehow become what we pursue, you know.

So, what are you pursuing, pursuer?


Go with God, ppl!