stumbled upon

some word play art

at wordle.net

to hold and to have....the books i mean..

1. The book is entitled Lost in Transmission? What We Can Know About the Words of Jesus by Nicholas Perrin

Love this quote...

'If following Jesus means anything, it means living a life of integrity and therefore also a life that steadily refuses to participate in the obstruction of truth. But people can be tempted to suppress the truth when they feel something precious will be lost if the truth comes out. That is why, in the trafficking of ideas, we must be wary of the faux pearl of great price, the sense of stability that accompanies the delusive conviction that we have thoroughly and decisively made sense of the world. When people succumb to that temptation of ignoring challenges to their faith, they are in the end demonstrating that they are more committed to the feeling of having a lock on the truth than to the truth itself. When Christians succumb to the same temptation, there is the added temptation of justifying their intellectual disengagement by appealing to faith or the Holy Spirit or something like that. Not only does this rationale shut down a discussion that is probably worth having; it also usually has more to do with intellectual laziness or megalomania than anything remotely biblical or divine. No one should be readier than the Christian to explore the truth…'


2. The next book is ' I want to believe: Finding Your Way in an Age of Many Faiths ' by Mel Lawrenz

books that are great to have. me want!

So much have transpired these few months that penning it down here seemed taxing. Just in case you're not in the know of this, i'm a journal person. So, i already have my tangible outlet right here in the real world..

Another thought came in though, that just as much as i love reading what's going on in your life dear friends & to also learn the same lessons you are learning, i wanna have faith that we have brought the art of 'sharing' into a whole new level here :) so, it is in this manner, that i'm blogging this..

For those closest to me, you would have known this - cos i talked about it oh! so constantly..

Next year (yes ,2009) would have been what i deemed a pivotal year for me as it was the year that i wanted to relinquished my 'secular' duties to pursue a life in the mission field. It is not something that i just thought about overnight but something that i have digested & burnt inside of me as long as i could remember. So much so, it was the only thing i thought i wanted to do fresh out of high school. But life kinda took a different path..i fell in love with a Nighthawk.That love eventually led me to Mech. Eng. I blame this on a F5 Physics Project :)

To cut the story short, it led me to where i am now. To what i have been doing for the past 5 years *gasp!*

Honestly, i have no complain. I struggle as much as the next person, doing the best with what comes in my way. Living & breathing in it, juggling the never-ending responsibilities & yet the desire continues to burn. It reached unbearable somewhere early this year that i was adamant in preparing to go by next year. And because it is that important to me, i waited for an answer. I wanted to be sure that the time was right & it was clear cut that it's what i should be doing.

The answer came. Not what i would have expected. After a gutsy declaration that i would lay it all to go, the answer was again - wait. After nearly 10 years, it was still a wait!??!!

All of a sudden, my own gutsy philosophy & stubborn inclination had to be sieved. Was this desire a mere romantic notion (you know, boldly declaring God's truth against the background of a aliened culture & etc.)? Was this me trying to escape into a more 'adventurous' life? Was this desire rooted in an 'escapist' mode?

The most uncanny thing was, i found myself at peace with the answer that i would have otherwise debate furiously againts. Somehow knowing that i needed more convincing, the confirmation also came from an innocent text message from Joy right after i had a dream of me leaving for somewhere but stopped & turned around & stayed. STAYED!!

So, i'm staying because of a promise, that God knows my deepest of desire. Where i am is secondary. My most primal desire now is this one life is for His perusal.

So, today i find myself in many roles. Surrounded by the familliar & at times routine, but i also see doors; opportunities. My life has crossed paths with people that have pushed me to the limit, situations have stretched & still is stretching me, i've treaded on so many unfamiliar grounds, walked in areas that i knew i would have fallen flat on the ground & never could have gotten up(if not for Him), i've bored the shame of my mistakes & i have had my pre-cultured 'Christian' mind exploded & challenged. So i guess the familiar & routine is not that familiar & routine after all.

In all the phases of my life, growing up sheltered in a nice Christian environment; it is only now - that desire to make Him known is the greatest. This phase, where i'm literally amidst the world culture. Amidst so many people with different backgrounds & values. Amidst vein trooping stress! Amidst opinions & assumptions on the Christian faith & how we do church...Some that made you ponder, some totally absurd! And yet, there's a sharp pain inside of you that Christ knows each & everyone of them & you wonder how anyone could go through life without knowing that. Without knowing the greatest act of redemption through the cross & the blood was for them - for all of us.

That this man Jesus was truly indeed God & man for our sake. He died & rose for our sake. He gave grace & mercy to the worst of being - us.

I look at my students & the life that is before them..how could they go through life not knowing?
I look at my colleagues & them striving to defend the meaning to their lives or searching still..isn't true meaning found only in the truth?

And i look at myself...i have nothing to show for. I got no name or credentials. I still act kiddish at times (hehe..) & yes my flaws are still so obvious...but is that excuse enough? Wouldn't it be a contradictory to God's character that i need to be somebody before He could use me? Could He not use what i already have? maybe the bigger question here is, do we trust enough to just go about the Father's business, doing what we can, where we are even though we're flawed creatures living in a messed-up world?

i desire to be pleasing to Him...as cliche as it sounds, i kid you not. So, as i go about my duties; be it the church or outside of it, may it be with the same fervour and convictions because He must be God in all of my life's dimensions.

As for the mission field, this is what i have now. We'll see where He'll bring from there. At the moment, He's working through my staying here. In fact, i have had a LOT of lessons learned & drilled in just by staying. Things i wouldn't have learned if i were to throw my hands up & said 'Enough! This heathen world is NOT for me! I'm going to do God's works now.' hehe...

Well, its still kinda not for me but it's the world that i am doing God's work now. Its a constant struggle but so is the mission field i dream of. Pain & struggle will always be a part of life...God had to take the world to teach me that..but i'm glad He did.


still learning....

in response

Miss Roum...i'm coming out of my shell because of your tag ah!

so here goes

1. The person who last tag you is:
GRACE SUPANG ROUM :)

2. Your relationship with him/her is:
friends/flock/brother's significant other :)

3. Your five ten impression of him/her:
a) teachable
b) very loyal to her loved ones
c) quietly opinionated
d) loves God & works to pls Him
e) eager to learn
f) gives great beauty product tips
g) loves to have a good laugh
h) honestly concerned about people
i) thankful
j) graceful!

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you:
gave the whole family a good laugh when she mastermind the prank we pulled on Nick

5. The most memorable thing he/she had said to you:
the one thing i really remember the most, grace are your sharing with the girls in YC..does that count? cos it was a real, honest sharing ba

Questions 6-9 will be ignored for sanity reason

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
Literally now...to intro some movies that i think you might enjoy. Considering the fact you just said you wanted to watch more movies 10mins ago..1. Dead poet Society 2. Woman, thou art loose (oh ya..forgot to tell you bout this one just now. i think you will love it - thanks, Michelle. I agree. Its good!) 3. The princess bride 4. Infernal Affairs (this is sooo good la..) aisshh..too many la. will tell you more when i meet you again :)

11. Your overall impression of him/her is:
a city girl with a big heart

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?:
echoing grace, depends i guess..

13. The characters you love of yourself are:
la....don't know how to answer. But i can say that knowing Christ as Lord & my deepest of confidante has been & still is the greatest joy of my life.

14. On the contrary, the characters you hate about yourself are:
lazy (it's easier to finish through things that excite you but very tough when it's something you don't really like to do but have to. I'm not giving excuse but many times i have to literally push myself to do these mundane, draggy, everyday things. It has never been easy, it's still not easy but it just must be done. I hate the feeling of pushing myself through it but i hate it even more if people & situations suffer because of my unwillingness & negligence. So, that's the struggle!)

15. The most ideal person you want to be is:
*with a straight face* someone after God's heart. Am only where i am & doing what i'm doing because it's what i'm suppose to do now.

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them:
Thank you for being there for me :) all the laughter, the joy, the pain, the struggles we share have made my life what it is & even if i have to start over....i will not choose otherwise..

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you:
#1. Grace! [you tag me so i tag you lo :)]
#2. Amy
#3. Kenaina
#4. Jo Tayun
#5. Ian Salang
#6. Rachel Raymond
#7. Dorothy
#8. kong lit tak
#9. Justin
#10. Randy

18. Who is no.6 having relationship with?
Pastor Jon Paran :P

19. Is no.9 a male or female?
MALE!

20. If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
HAHA! you would have to ask them that...

22. What is no.2 studying about?
electrical engineering

23. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
this morning!

24. What kind of music band does no.8 like?
correct me if i'm wrong..United, Hillsong, Planetshakers, he's into the trance music scene too (i would name a few but i don't kno any hehe....) old school rock...

25. Does no.1 have any siblings?
YUP! 2 brothers & a younger sis

26. Will you woo no.3?
kuang...kuang....kuang! that would be againts my nature & i would rather eat boiled pork intestine (which i will NEVER touch as long as i shall live) but i don't mind helping her to woo someone though..hihihi...junior, at your service when the time comes, wokey :)

27. How about no.7?
HAHAHAHAHAHA! who came out with these atrocity of a question!! NEXT!

28. Is no.4 single?
yes! & very much available :) if we had a list of most eligible bachelorette - she might just top the list

29. What is the surname of no.5?
eeemmm...salang; which you could have easily picked up when you read the list

30. What’s the hobby of no.4?
any outdoor activity, sports

31. Does no.5 and 9 get along well?
so far so good..they've worked well on every project they were in together & yeah! they're good friends..

32. Where is no.2 studying at?
Curtin Uni

33. Talk something casually about no.1:
she loves *the* photographer hihi...

34. Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?
kuang...kuang...kuang! feelings of mutual respect & friendship adalah....NEXT!!!

35. Where does no.9 live at?
pujut 7

36. What colour does no.4 like?
hehe...dunno la..what ah, jo? Blue? Green?

37. Are no.5 and 1 best friend?
they go along very well...

-There’s No 38 and 39 -
ohhh…ok.

40. Does no.1 have any pets?
yes..CATS!

41. Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
hehe..she can be if she want to :)

42. What is no. 10 doing now?
studying/working

#1. Grace! [you tag me so i tag you lo :)]
#2. Amy
#3. Kenaina
#4. Jo Tayun
#5. Ian Salang
#6. Rachel Raymond
#7. Dorothy
#8. kong lit tak
#9. Justin
#10. Randy