DO YOU SEE YOUR CALLING?

"Separated unto the Gospel." Romans 1:1

Our calling is not primarily to be holy men and women, but to be proclaimers of the Gospel of God. The one thing that is all important is that the Gospel of God should be realized as the abiding Reality.

Reality is not human goodness, nor holiness, nor heaven, nor hell; but Redemption; and the need to perceive this is the most vital need of the Christian worker to-day. As workers we have to get used to the revelation that Redemption is the only Reality. Personal holiness is an effect, not a cause, and if we place our faith in human goodness, in the effect of Redemption, we shall go under when the test comes.

Paul did not say he separated himself, but - "when it pleased God who separated me. . ." Paul had not a hypersensitive interest in his own character. As long as our eyes are upon our own personal whiteness we shall never get near the reality of Redemption.

Workers break down because their desire is for their own whiteness, and not for God. "Don't ask me to come into contact with the rugged reality of Redemption on behalf of the filth of human life as it is; what I want is anything God can do for me to make me more desirable in my own eyes."

To talk in that way is a sign that the reality of the Gospel of God has not begun to touch me; there is no reckless abandon to God. God cannot deliver me while my interest is merely in my own character. Paul is unconscious of himself, he is recklessly abandoned, separated by God for one purpose - to proclaim the Gospel of God (cf. Rom. 9:3.)

Oswald Chambers
My utmost for His highest
(31st Jan reading)

Get it? get it!

It has never been about us, our preoccupation with ourselves. Neither our image or how we preceived ourselves standing before God. It's all about Him. What He alone has done!

So, if the finished work of the cross is enough then whatever i've busied myself with, i cannot not worship Him. I worship Him because of the revelation of who He is and my character flows through that relationship.

can you not see that simplicity? when i know Him, i do not need to defend myself nor my characters neither my dreams nor convictions because if i know its how its suppose to be and i do it, the cost eventhough its a piercing pain would somehow passed. it does not haunt me.

when i know Him, my attitude and care for others is not something i forced out of me but something He made alive in me. that i somehow adopted my Father's love. i take on to care about what He cares about.

the freedom to do what's on my Father's heart..that reckless abandonment, its not making us into a wimp unable to face the grit of real life but in that paradox, it is when i surrender that i'm truly free. so free that there's an unspeakable strength that arises when met with every kind of situation. i learn to be His even in those vein-squeezing moments and i want to be His for whatever that transpire in this one life.

heard somewhere that obedience is simple when we obey..oxymoron somehow but true.

so you feeling yourselves struggling unecessary somehow?

maybe you should stop and truly ask why?

what treasures have we set our hearts on?

we somehow become what we pursue, you know.

So, what are you pursuing, pursuer?


Go with God, ppl!

this so far..

taking a breather ever more often now. really need it so i'm glad that this one week plus break came at the right time.

anyways, just wondered when did things get this layered? i'm not complaining - far from it but merely pondering. i remembered life being simple and safe but now it's not that simple and man! the adventures and misadventures that you find around every corner..

who would have known the typical adult life of work, play, friends, family, bills, responsibilities and certain expectations could be such a tricky maneuver. in the glory days of the past, people conquered land and empires in their bid to survive and expand; today our survival and expansion lies in life's daily mundane decisions.

oh! decisions, decisions, decisions! deciding which is right and wrong, deciding between priorities; deciding even what should be a priority; deciding what to hold on and what to let go; deciding either to act or wait; deciding to retaliate in frustration or respond rightly - brushing bruised ego aside; deciding to hold on and persevere when many others have long given up.

as a child i don't really remembered being scared of anything except the occasional bedtime ghost stories told at camp and my mum's queer fascination with a little known movie called 'the exorcist' (add cynicism here) and yea not to forget - the disciplinarian which were my parents. yes! they were mighty strict but in all the right manner. a child-care practice that i too would one day want to pass on to the next generation of the family. discipline's still discipline, you know.

anyways, from that to today. it's not about being scared or fearful but you think hard about life and the future and the present and sometimes the occasional past. you think hard about the consequences of your actions. you think hard whether your response parallels your true character. you think hard whether your character betrayed the beliefs you hold dear to your heart and soul. you think hard whether you decided because of pressure and expectations or that it's truly what you decided - and that even if given the same situation you would not decide otherwise.

i believe in the person Jesus Christ and that He is man and also God for us all. I believe His death and resurrection is God's ultimate and only plan for our redemption. i believe He will return again as the Bible says He will. I believe He is unique and the one and only truth. He is un-parallel to others. He is God.

and because He is God, i believe what He said in the Bible that in all things i do not need to worry because He watches over me well. i believe it when He said that whenever i make my request known to Him, He listens. that He knows my heart, my whole being and that nothing is hidden from Him. i believe it when He said He love me and not only did He give me a created beginning and a glorious ending with Him but life on earth is not without His presence and purpose. He saw it fit that i should be born at this time and age for reasons that He knew i must be here.i believe when He said that all things on this-side-of-heaven (pun intentional :P ) does not last.

and because of that, my yesterdays, todays and tomorrows are not as unbearable anymore.we all have our struggles and pain. no one's exempted. this is the tragedy of the fallen humanity, none can escape. but we have One who sympathise with us. who understands because He once walked through it too. a God who is not afar off but who is close and understands. who does not sneers and condemns when we fall but eagerly awaits our return.

i will be 28 this year (you can stop giggling now...) my range of influence and relationships includes family, colleagues, friends, great friends, flocks, students, acquaintances... i wonder if i've done enough sometimes. have i said enough, did i pray enough? do i care enough? or was i too busy 'finding myself'..eemmm...guess what. i think i found myself already. flawed and not at all put together as i thought (a self confessed former idealist) i have come to the end of my own self justification many times now. i'm a failure at trying to keep my promises and principles. try as i might i have constantly fail. i'm a failure at trying to be a good christian all the time and basically i'm tired of it.

but don't you see. that's just it. i cannot with all my good intention and strength be right. i cannot be good and many times my failures is in front of me that talking to people about Christ seem so hyprocritical but again that's just it. i can't but He can. for me, when i stopped trying to be the one with the correct answers all the time; that was when i learned to be real and honest before Him. when i felt like crap, i told Him exactly how i felt and as i learn to be brutally honest with Him, i learn to be brutally honest with myself. and i don't know how it happened; i kinda learned how to listened. and yes! God does speak. through the Bible, people and situations. and when i listened, i'm directed. it's when i'm not listening that my feet seem to loose its footing.

but one thing i do really pray. He knows my desire of going into the mission field but now even sharper is the scrutinizing of my intentions. i thought it was a romantic notion and gave it no thought for a long time until i felt like i was walking around as if some part of me was missing. it was when i really gave it to Him plain and simple did i found out that it wasn't a mere child's play. i wanted to just tell of what He had done because He had done SOOOOO much! how could anyone go through this normal routine of life in which ever part of the world and be totally oblivious of this magnitude of love, of purpose, of redemption.

i thought i failed Him somehow by not going. as i prayed, doors were somehow shut or ways prematurely cut to enter into a real mission organisation. and i found myself in class teaching and at my desk marking...

funny thing is, i also found myself in that same place crossing lives with all sorts of people. people of whom i would otherwise have never met. relationships were fostered and as our lives opened up to one another, it was natural i will talk about the one Person who is the dearest to me. it was a lot of followed up and a great lesson in patience and trust even in helplessness but it was worth it. i do the sowing..and making it grow is His part and that was a priceless truth i must learned and re-learned.

so no regrets. my burdens, my pains and my joys are real. my reality today is the world i live in and the one i'm waiting for in the next. although escapism is tempting but i'd rather with His grace face it with hope and grit trust that He will enable me to do what must be done. so, this life is real - so is my God. He is real in all my situations. my dreams, my failures, my strengths, my weaknesses. He is real.

the fight's not in vain.

hey! hey! 2009!

btw..just for some fill-ins
1. Exuberant seminar the second in march. wooohoo! to the small not so dusty town of sarikei.
2. LifeGame in march too.
3. this will be a first - an invite to Brunei churches. Its eym for main services. sweet!
4. trip in june! oh! can't wait..
5. new songs are coming up! will let u all in when it's done. psyched..psyched..very psyched!
6. a must watch - invisible children the a must do-something-about it 'click'


7. a must listen -

Johnny Lang - Turn around
bluegrass gospel, which totally nailed my taste palette. oh! the lead is sooo good!

Need to breathe - The heat
Not bad if you're really craving for some of those southern comfort ;)

Hillsong - this is our God
what can i say? they cannot go wrong, well so far & yes i know this came out months ago but it's still good.

Next!

2008
New post and responsiblities were thrust on in Jan.
Had a alarming urge to pack up and go in Feb.
Finally, took the first ministry trip together after so long in March & it was surreally timely.
'I'm still here?!' and work and music intermixed (somehow)in Apr.
Again 'I'm still here?!' in May.
Backstage & thinking 'i could be happy doing this' in June.
Digesting the new direction in July.
Accepting the new direction (after some divine convincing) in Aug.
False alarm :) and a better grasp of the new direction in Sept.
A start of some really interesting conversations in Oct.
Had a taste of what dreams may bring in Nov.
Ah! Network! How beautiful you are in Dec.

And this ALL happened in a flash!


2009
Here in the mundane and routine but staying because of a promise
(And He does keep His words).
Refuse to see the mundane and routine as that literally.
What dreams, waiting and stepping out will bring.
And the word to start the new year - simplicity!


Happy New Year, all!