no excuse

The can't-put-it-down read

i had some trouble adjusting my vision to the cover at first. bei tahan, i caught myself still wanting to turn it around eventhough u told yourself its suppose to be this way up.

and was particularly moved by this..

quoting from pg. 80-81
Did God mess up? If I were in charge of the project, I'd be inclined to thrash the model and go back to beginning. Yet God - as I am becoming ever more glad with the passing of years - is not like me. God chose to keep what He had created, to invest yet more of Himself in the beings that were already offering such pale imitation of the glory He had intended for them. We turned our backs, yet God offered His pillar of fire to guide us. We closed our hearts, so God sent His Son. We tortured and killed Him, yet God sent His Spirit. I obsess about parking spots and avocados, yet God still wants me to know Him. There are a billion reasons for God to give up on us, yet He simply refuses to do so.

What does this mean for us? Surely it gives all the more glory to God, elevating Him even higher above us with our narrow minds and fuzzy outlooks. Believing God can still be God without expecting Him to conform to our obsessions with control is a big leap to make and those that struggle to do so find themselves staring at the chasm in confused isolation.

They suggest that the presence of suffering - the tsunamis, the genocides, the evil that is plainly wrong in our world - indicates that God is cruel, that His passive acceptance of wrongdoing must mean He is callous, absent or weak. But seeing God as a divine protector is not right. Such a being is not a god, but a fairy-tale guardian, a fairy godmother who won't even let the pumpkin return at the stroke of midnight. God's gravity is strong - but with a type of strength that goes beyond our narrowly defined expectations. With His power comes our freedom, allowing us the greatest responsibility of all - CHOICE. In other words, we can choose to be pulled into His orbit, or we can choose to pursue our own.


pg 79
the fundamental problem with my head at that time was this; i thought that God was on my side. It never occured to me that things might be the other way around.

After reading this thus far..it made me think..

I find that standing by something is hard for me
But I find that God does stand by

I find that the beginning of a new projects excites me more
But I find that God stayed on for the long run.

I find that the long process of growth (of anything for that matter) makes me want to run off
But I find that God becomes more involved even in all the complexity.

I find that difficult people are a total waste of time
But I find that God invested Himself in people; difficult or not.

I find that I could easily blame others, or things or God even when by choices doesn't turn out the way i thought
But I find that God the all-powerful, all-knowing all I-could-do-anything (even He) stuck by His original project eventhough it turn out the way it did

I find that regrets over choices made paralyse me sometimes
But I find that God doesn't spend eternity grieving over past regrets & He goes out & does new things but yet still connected in a sense

And i find this very funny..
my initial response was to run away from it all
to pack up and go and start somewhere anew
i argue that i'm much more than these mundane and mess
i argue that i should be doing more
And for years, i argued and yet I was still confined

Then I asked for one thing as a last resort.
I asked that I see it the way He does
Because I just don't get it anymore.

And the very funny thing is
i started seeing i am where i am because of the choices i made
i can't blame anyone or anything anymore
i had to stick by them and work it out the best that it could be

And when i slowly own up
And it was scary because i knew some of the choices made were not the best ones
i saw more of Him even in the mess
i swallowed my first initial reaction to defensiveness
a little slower with my strong opinions and thoughts

i find out i actually was not listening that well
my opinions were faster than my thoughts process and kinda one sided
and it felt so much of a relieved now that i could quietly go about my things

but somehow it's not all gloom and ordinary
its unpredictable and a whole lot exciting at the same time
but finally i think i'm ok with this
what i do now allows me the liberty to do the things close to my heart
and somewhat a little quirky twist
the things close to my heart is kinda what i'm doing now too

and the one thing i really like now
i come to know the family a little bit better too
i thought i knew them but i think i was taking them for granted a bit too often
i'm not saying we're all buddy-buddy, spilling all the guts secrets kinda thing all of a sudden
but they are your family for all the reasons God in His wisdom knows best
and even more so i find out surprisingly
that those cheesy but genuine words and gestures of appreciation does go a long way
especially those that we can seemingly take for granted easily

it's good to have roots
it makes you know yourself better
and see yourself not as highly as you would think

and oh yes, its good to have roots
family, friends, home
because it somehows births a sense of belonging

nobody teaches you the best and the worst of sticking by than your roots
so, am utterly grateful and i think i like this growing old and growing up process
it's not too bad when He's in charge

so far

THAT was a good day...

it should be done again