This Side of Heaven

Child at play

2012-01-28T16:13:00.002+08:00

A child was at play. A boy who looked 6 to 7 years of age.

He was the gardener lady's kid you see. And she was there watering the plants around the apartment swimming pool i was taking a swim in that day.

Took a quiet hidden corner to sit and read after that as all the sitting area had people in them. While i was there i could overhear the lady speaking to her son but could only make out 'sebelah sini saja ya...'

As i got up to leave, i saw the boy fully cloth swimming in the kiddy pool at a section that was hidden from view behind the high wall of the running waters of the main pool.

Then i understood why 'sebelah sini saja..' He saw me as i made my way out and i smiled at him because a child should play. Then he happily kept on swimming.

'Sebelah sini saja' because that was a hidden play time.

The water was amazing that beautiful sunny morning and i enjoyed my swim tremendously. And i bet he too was relishing in that.

'Sebelah sini saja' because the order of things dictate that only residents and their visitors :) could use that pool.

And i bet in his child-like manner that too is understood, that's why the cautious swim in only that hidden region.

But did i mention the water was amazing that morning? And that yes, he was not suppose to be in it but a child really deserves to play, no?

Then it got me thinking of how he sees the pool every time he follows his mother over and because of again the order of things - he is excluded out of the list of the people that can use that pool.

Excluded because you got to be able to afford that privileges. Privileges do come with a price. Some can pay it and some cannot. The 'cans' because circumstances and choices that encompass and make their lives brought them to that position where they can; the 'cannots' because again circumstances and choices that encompass and make their lives brought them to a position where they cannot.

And yet there are times and will be more where paths cross between those of the opposite ends of the spectrum. We're all in this together, whichever side of the spectrum we are.

We have similarities and yes, differences too but maybe just maybe; let's just remember to be kind to each other.

Yes, he was not suppose to but he looked so happy. And since i'm not the management (even if i was); a happy child at play should be left just that, no? Or even if it can't, then do it well? Be kind even when we need to be assertive?

The next time the cleaner lady mops the floor; we could afford to wait til it dries or maybe walk around it, no?

We walk so fast pass each other sometimes we forgot to look at the person.

on to the next one

2012-01-16T18:17:00.001+08:00

I'm looking at the date and realized that I've been here for almost 3 weeks now. But somehow so many things have happened that it felt so much longer than that.

Done with orientation and am getting myself accustomed with the new found information and way of life. I've met some new and amazing people along the way; and settling quite timely into the church Grace & i are attending.

So yesterday, we had a CNY open house specifically for the community around the church and various NGO bodies they are affiliated with. We were ushers and it was really nice being able to play the host especially to a community that might not be all too familiar to oneself :) I guess it's not really hosting til you host outside of home.

The set up for the open house just right outside the church.

Good food, good company and very entertaining presentations. It did look like one big family reunion somehow. That was an evening well spent.

Other matter related, all the reading assignments given have been thought provoking so far and loving the discussions-and-bouncing-off-each-other-thoughts-and-opinions atmosphere.

And did two reads this week that was both heartwarming and spoke to me in all different levels.

Reading 1 - I'm sorry

Reading 2 - If nothing was stopping you

And last but not least, Grace has truly been a God-send. Had a VERY interesting 'God-experience' with her after Saturday Night Live service (or SNL for short and yes, i see where that's coming from) at church. Very grateful and bowled over.

Be blessed, all!

2012-01-11T19:55:00.002+08:00

Walked out of Mentoring Group and was greeted by this.

Liking this new view very, very much.

tis so far

2012-01-10T22:33:00.001+08:00

The year of uproot. Hail, hail 2012.

Decided to spend a week in the Capital city before heading to my destination and somehow in the preoccupation of the season; it only hit me that I'm leaving home in the long 2 hours flight over.

I just thank God; for that moment it was daytime and I had my shades on.

Anyways, New Year's in the capital with your close knit of people is really amazing. I had some good times and Rachel, I love it when we're roommates :)

But besides those wonderful familiar faces, i saw one that made me smile.

don't tell me I'm the only one that sees the similarity.

I miss that face and smile

So, did a few of these things in the Capital.

Saw a few things too.

and then took another flight to another side of home for me. stayed at Grace's while i waited for the registration date and this was my view for that whole time there every morning. and liking it lots.

And this is my view from 'home' for the next new phase.

and just to remind myself some of the magnificent people i got to hang out with before i left.

this could have doubled as a Christmas postcard.

Be blessed all!

2011-08-01T00:16:00.002+08:00

poetry for me have never sounded and looked this good

Click here ---> rad! rad! rad!

be blessed all!

those little escapades

2011-05-16T17:25:00.016+08:00

So, a few friends and I decided to go for a much needed trek.

the house in the cave

from the inside looking out

that was the noon day sun

and we ended it with a walk at the beach

B for..

2011-04-10T02:25:00.027+08:00

BEACH!! :)

Was looking through some old photos and i thought i'd make this post a dedication to the one place that kept coming back into the pictures. the one place that has always been there. the one place for me that has the ability to transport you somewhere else - ladies and gentlemen; i give you the shorelines of the South China Sea :)

Living in Miri, you'll grow up next to it. and 'she' is one amazing place to be in. For the typical Mirian; there would be some fond distant memories of her especially in the growing up years.

The beach here is not pretty per say and i'm quite sure there are many other shorelines that would put her to shame in the beauty department. She is plain but we call her home.

hanging out with the bro and ma. the beach was a haven even back then.

i had fond memory of this seaside playground.

choose a spot, lay down and read.

Skimboarding

during the Skimboarding phase :) which was all worth-it

yes..this can be the life

beach football

i'm quite sure football wasn't suppose to be played this way but it makes up into a good photo

a beach walk

nothing like swimming in the ocean. and for this particular day. we swam til the sun set and night came. ah..sweet i say!

the worship team day out for a shoot

this was shot facing the sea and was a beautiful day out!

uhuh.. ecstatic

In conclusion; this is a part of home and i thank God it became a part of who i am.

Mirian, born and bred. beach people.

the local

really?

2011-04-05T22:38:00.024+08:00

“But the more mainstream Christians, the bigger portion... in my experience talking to them, they give me the impression that they are more concerned with the afterworld than they are of what is happening today,” said Professor Jayum Anak Jawan.

"I tell them sometimes... what are you people telling your congregation? If the state government is ignoring people in the rural areas, you have no access to basic amenities, what are you telling them?

“Exercise your rights and make demands as it is your right but the standard reply is... we are concerned with the afterworld and we respect the separation of state and religion,” he said.

Excerpt of an article source from here

I find this very interesting. Can we really take that stand?

I know I've been taught that there is no such thing as a perfect system on this side of eternity and that we are living in a fallen world. But to know that somehow your involvement in this earthly matters or shall we say stately matter; matters because it is effecting so many lives and to say that we're only concern of the afterworld gives an air of apathy. And apathy somehow does not sit well with me.

It does not sit well with me when people are prolonged in their trouble whilst you might just hold the key to helping them but you didn't.

It does not sit well with me when we are so concern of a person's spiritual health and especially where they are going after they die but do not show the same tenacity on making their lives better while we are still alive and kicking.

It does not sit well with me when we are already placed in a position of choice and we didn't choose just because it's merely earthly system with little or no hint of spirituality it seemed.

As much as I anticipate my heavenly dwellings (home sick even); I am here now. I am here today. And with everything I have read in the scriptures about Jesus (who is the very core of our faith) - He too showed concerned for people and yes He wasn't all lovey-dovey as i recall in dealing with people (e.g. whipping the traders out of the temple court, spitting into mud and rubbing it on the blind man's eyes); He stood for truth in all matters. He spoke in parables and even straight forward when needed but He spoke truth. Whatever truth may cost and however it hurts; He spoke of it and He lived it.

And the truth of the matter is in this case; when people are left with tremendous unchallenged power - it is so easy to be the evil we thought we were fighting. That's the state of human nature. And today; my stand is - let's remind one another of the virtue we are to uphold as a family; as a nation. If we CAN do the good that is needed then isn't it cruel to withold that?

And I think it's about time we give out the good that we ought to; not in the hope of rewards or recognition but just because it is the right thing to do. There is a higher way; and it does not seek recognition nor praise; its harsh but kind and it challenges not to destroy but to build.

So I believe in Jesus and His words and promises. And I too believe I have a part to play on where my nation and people are heading. So I choose to truly understand the situation and choose with the wisdom and discernment that God has planted in us - the choice to do the right thing and all because I can. And this 'can' I believe is God-ordained and I'm going to use it.

Ending with this

'All that is necessary for the triumph of evil, is that good people do nothing.'
-attributed to Edmund Burke

lately

2011-03-19T22:15:00.018+08:00

this on what has been happening lately

there's a first time for everything. Niah. Longhouse. The Virginian Rachel. and some translations gig.

first ever Pino Youth (with of course joined by some non-Pino too) service at church and i think it went really well.

and somehow they have dropped in often enough now that i consider them family. by locals for locals and that's the way i like it.

so, for the more to come :) fully expecting it

He never disappoints!

the spunk of an old geezer

2011-03-06T16:34:00.009+08:00

the man with the spine and spunk (with some pretty decent sense of humor) speaking his mind.

Dear Mr Lee Iacocca,

Thank you for writing this book. It was for me an accidental find but i appreciate that u decided to share your convictions and experiences with the world.

Though we might be far removed culturally, age wise and even more so on the sphere of experiences (you the influential figure, CEO and visionary leader that you are and me; in my world of the ordinaries), i feel your convictions speaking to a lot of areas in my life and i wonder aloud that maybe just maybe this real honest everyday wisdom is relatable (i'm pretty sure that should be a word.really..) to all who are willing to hear.

May i state or quote on a few of the many things that challenged and inspired me..

1. Your 9 Cs' found me nodding and grunting in agreement many times. thank you for putting these thoughts into words. I think i agree more because somehow these are also something that one would have thought of when relating to experiences of leaders and their leadership and to read it out in the open like that; you can't help but understand and agree.

2. In relating to how the past world leaders responded to the Nazis after their horrific acts in the WWII; the Nuremberg trials you said was a grand example how the leaders then reminded us of our higher ideals and i like what you said 'we didn't become the evil we were fighting.' i really like that a lot.

3. And this you wrote on virtue to a generation of greed-driven America or the world for that matter..

'Instead of greed, how about generosity
Instead of envy, try a little charity
Instead of pride, show some humility
Instead of wrath, let's see composure'

AND...'They actually believed that companies have an obligation to contribute to social welfare.'
Last but not least, this wonderful thought 'Wouldn't it be great if we read more business stories that give us inspiring lift and fewer stories that made us sick to the stomachs? And wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if corporate America (and again the whole world for that matter) got the idea that the best way to do well is by doing good?' Imagine!

4. 'There was a time not that long ago when we were more civil. We gave people the benefit of the doubt. We tried to work out our difference face-to-face, not through lawyers. We'd try to tell people to "have a nice day". Now we say, "I'll see you in court."
It's not our ability to compete that gets harmed by all the litigation. It is the ability to live with one another, to help each other out in bad times, to cooperate because we want to and it's the right thing to do - not because we might get sued.'
I read somewhere once that we live in a world that is too safe. And it became that way because we fashioned it that way out of fear of things unknown or different from what we are used to. Its easier when the only thing you see is the only thing you know and vice versa i guess. But i think its a tragedy because that would make us forfeit a God given responsibility, that is we're supposed to be the agent of change or even influence where we are placed in, no? And should i even dare to suggest, we were designed that way? So, because we are living in a wholly messed up system and world to begin with; unless we see that - why on earth will there be any urge inside of us to change things?

5. 'That's what i'd like to pass on to younger generation - the rewards of being involved. I've started with my own grandkids. I want them to know how lucky they are to be given a position to give back - because they have been given so much.'
And i think, we are in soooo many ways the privileged ones and it starts by wanting to truly know what is going on around us and then to be soo restless that we say 'there must be something that can be done.' and with that, if we just be courageous enough to understand that we are that something. Wherever we are, whoever we are.

So, Mr Iacocca; your little book is truly a pleasure to read. And though we all make our mistakes because we are after all very imperfect - thank u for being 'human' enough to admit that but not letting it stop you from putting your thoughts and ideas out there.

A fan :)

a thought

2010-09-18T13:53:00.014+08:00

Ted Engstrom (he headed World Vision for a while an a thoroughly visionary of a man) writes,

'The world needs people who cannot be bought;

whose word is their bond;

who put character above wealth;

who possess opinions and a will;

who are larger than their vocations;

who don't hesitate to take chances;

who won't lose their individuality in a crowd;

who will be as honest in small things as they are in great things;

who will make no compromise with wrong;

whose ambitions are not confined to their own selfish desires;

who will not say they do it "because everybody else does it";

who are true to their friends through good report and evil report, in adversity as well as in prosperity;

who do not believe that shrewdness, cunning and hard-heartedness are the best qualities for winning success;

who are not afraid to stand for the truth even when it's unpopular;

who say "no" with emphasis, even though the rest of the world says "'yes".'

and i couldn't agree more. but taking this in with a whole spoonful of sugar...

I don't like how things are run and how we keep taking more and more and never giving back.

I don't like the me-first mentality and how just being kind to people is unheard of.

I don't like that as much as we try to accept everyone, there is still a part of us that naturally classify people into the desirable or less desirable

I don't like that we who should be the salt and light of the world is wrestling with soooo much insecurity issues that we are incapable or paralysed to even give because we downright cannot give what we ourselves don't have

and as much as i don't like any of this - i am each and everything here.

and that makes me don't like it even more.

but i cannot stop this here...

because as much as this is honest; and i loathe how our fallen nature has changed us and our universe

I find another urge at work within me.

Despite the fact that i know my vices and faults are before me; i still want to change.

I want to know that there is still hope for change first within me then my world around me.

I want to be real with my convictions and know that although my weaknesses are always with me but there is strengths too in these bones of mine

and as long as i am still alive and kicking; i have no excuse not to give change a shot

and i think this is why i find the Grace of G0d the most beautiful truth of all.

that He gave me pardon and forgiveness; a new leash on life even if i don't deserve it in the first place

and as I see myself the way God sees me; that i am worth the death of His Son on that painful cross

i am totally indebted, that He would take MY penalty even when i was still in my rebellious 'it-has-nothing-to-do-with-me' mode

at first i hated that He had to make me feel that i owe Him something. Like a divine blackmail or a guilt trap.

Then i reaslised how wrong i was.

He knew i was sick and dying even before i did. All He did was to offer the cure.

All that was needed for me was to receive.and nothing could be more simple than that right?

yes and no...

yes! on the day that finally salvation made perfect sense to me..

no! for the continuous struggle that came after that..

i didnt understand that grace was needed everyday for me after that because it was only after saying that oh dangerous prayer of 'Jesus, I want to be more and more like You'

then it BAMS!! you start to see the world and yourself pretty messed up from what you initially thought.

and i hated how the guilt conscience became more and more unbearable now that you start really seeing things the way it truly is..and into self-condemnation and pity we naturally go into

and i thought 'this is it?! this is the new and wonderful life im suppose to be living on earth after i receive Jesus?' i was misreable.

and then the funniest thing happen; after the years of doubting yourself and willowing in self pity and regret and utter cluelessness - you found yourself surprisingly a bit tougher.

the speedbumps and roadblocks and 'tragedy' of life has totally humanised you and thrown you off your high and mighty pedestal that you realise that you cannot have gone through anything by yourself.

all through the grit and dirt of real life, you became dependent on your relationship with God and it forced you to probe deeper and read His word and just more driven to find out what He has to say about all of this.

and in your utter helplessness; you found yourself reaching out for help to those that you think might just be able to let you lean on them for a while. and that taught you that people need other people to survive. and the more you share your lives the more you realise that you're not alone in feeling this; and a journey travelled with a friend or friends makes it a whole less lonelier. strength grows in company at times.

so...where i'm at now; i am totally thankful for all that has happened and for all the people i've met along the way. and for the ones that have been in it all along; you realise how precious this God-given relationships are and am thankful to the core for it. it has been bittersweet but sweetest it is.

so, today. i still need the grace of God to remind me that I am love by God; therefore i must love and accept myself and the one that i am still learning- to love other people in return.

I cannot give what i don't have; so allow me to be fill first with this abundant life that He promised is in Him and as we pour our lives out for others and for the plans that are even greater than our own imagination - may we continue pouring out this life but yet never run dry.

may life continue to hold us fascinated even though we have learn rough lessons along the way.

may we look at things with a different eye because we do not settle for the shallow and superficial and natural things of life.

may our treasures are placed well in its rightful place and not all over the place and we stumble and fumble over our purpose in life.

may we be confident in our relationship with Him because the world can't wait no longer for us to speak and act out in full confidence of God's saving grace. The world still and must hear of this great good news. and we're the only ones that can tell it.

may we truly love each other too and as we uphold and encourage and understand and open up to each other; we hold this precious friendship as gems in our hearts. and as we spur one another in love; the world will know that we are His because of how we treat and treasure each other.

so, long? yes..yet again but its been too long too and God has been prettttyyyy amazing!!

be blessed, people.

and there are things that stay with you for a lifetime

2010-07-05T17:58:00.012+08:00

An old time friend Matt and his lovely wife, Ads - have taken a year off to be in Chiang Mai. Helping out in an amazing centre call Gateway - and from the moment i heard of it, there was a nudge and curiosity that couldn't be ignored.

So after the many invaluable passing of information; the date to visit them was set in early June.

Just before i left, the card from my pastor & his wife read 'Be open to what God is teaching you..' and that particular sentence was just amplified the whole time i was there.

The trip this time was more than just being a tourist. I felt that whatever that will come out from this experience was something i needed to know, to hear or to feel.

And know, hear and feel i did.

So, here's the people i met, some of the places i went that challenged, inspired and change a little bit of me somehow.

BEFORE it all begin. the local departure entourage :)

the men of the family

the little sis

and the first place i went to besides the airport in the city of Chiang Mai..

arrived on Sunday and straight-away sat in for church.

chart, som and ads

the sisters; nit and chart..

the walking street

after weds Bible study..the interns and may and jyap

the lovely kook

tay who dreams of being a chinese teacher & seems to be destined for it as her name could already double for a chinese surname :)

the tenacious and unwavering renu

the ever-entertaining co-founder of Gateway, Meiy.

Chris who's the other co-founder; the amazing food connoisseur and an all rounder go-to person on anything Thai. getting to know her and her heartbeat for God and Thailand was everything i needed to hear and much, much more and as much as she has inspired me, kinda just realised i have no photo of her at all. ah well! next time ;)

my constant companion, noot

the girls

the mirians ;)

Mr & mrs Gab Tsen

the chinese village visit with fam, another staff of gateway

the girls riding brilliantly at the back of the 4WD

AND on the day i left..

was glad that the girls could come to the airport to drop me off. it was just before dropping them in school, which explains the uniform

and last but not least...the power couple and the amazing host and hostesses who totally went all the way to make this trip happen for me..

Matt and Adelene, with both whom i am utterly grateful

and i found the perfect spot for coffee lovers right here on the hilly grounds of Pai ;)

AND in case you haven't got it already....i am soooooo glad i went!

the more to come..

2010-06-01T15:06:00.014+08:00

that was by far the best never-a-coincidence-but-divinely-arranged-bonding-sessions ever!!

was truly blessed and challenged and knowing that all our paths crossed for a purpose greater and more profound than we could even began to imagine, i thank God

And i've found a friend in you, my Danish counterpart

no excuse

2010-05-18T21:59:00.018+08:00

The can't-put-it-down read

i had some trouble adjusting my vision to the cover at first. bei tahan, i caught myself still wanting to turn it around eventhough u told yourself its suppose to be this way up.

and was particularly moved by this..

quoting from pg. 80-81
Did God mess up? If I were in charge of the project, I'd be inclined to thrash the model and go back to beginning. Yet God - as I am becoming ever more glad with the passing of years - is not like me. God chose to keep what He had created, to invest yet more of Himself in the beings that were already offering such pale imitation of the glory He had intended for them. We turned our backs, yet God offered His pillar of fire to guide us. We closed our hearts, so God sent His Son. We tortured and killed Him, yet God sent His Spirit. I obsess about parking spots and avocados, yet God still wants me to know Him. There are a billion reasons for God to give up on us, yet He simply refuses to do so.

What does this mean for us? Surely it gives all the more glory to God, elevating Him even higher above us with our narrow minds and fuzzy outlooks. Believing God can still be God without expecting Him to conform to our obsessions with control is a big leap to make and those that struggle to do so find themselves staring at the chasm in confused isolation.

They suggest that the presence of suffering - the tsunamis, the genocides, the evil that is plainly wrong in our world - indicates that God is cruel, that His passive acceptance of wrongdoing must mean He is callous, absent or weak. But seeing God as a divine protector is not right. Such a being is not a god, but a fairy-tale guardian, a fairy godmother who won't even let the pumpkin return at the stroke of midnight. God's gravity is strong - but with a type of strength that goes beyond our narrowly defined expectations. With His power comes our freedom, allowing us the greatest responsibility of all - CHOICE. In other words, we can choose to be pulled into His orbit, or we can choose to pursue our own.

pg 79
the fundamental problem with my head at that time was this; i thought that God was on my side. It never occured to me that things might be the other way around.

After reading this thus far..it made me think..

I find that standing by something is hard for me
But I find that God does stand by

I find that the beginning of a new projects excites me more
But I find that God stayed on for the long run.

I find that the long process of growth (of anything for that matter) makes me want to run off
But I find that God becomes more involved even in all the complexity.

I find that difficult people are a total waste of time
But I find that God invested Himself in people; difficult or not.

I find that I could easily blame others, or things or God even when by choices doesn't turn out the way i thought
But I find that God the all-powerful, all-knowing all I-could-do-anything (even He) stuck by His original project eventhough it turn out the way it did

I find that regrets over choices made paralyse me sometimes
But I find that God doesn't spend eternity grieving over past regrets & He goes out & does new things but yet still connected in a sense

And i find this very funny..
my initial response was to run away from it all
to pack up and go and start somewhere anew
i argue that i'm much more than these mundane and mess
i argue that i should be doing more
And for years, i argued and yet I was still confined

Then I asked for one thing as a last resort.
I asked that I see it the way He does
Because I just don't get it anymore.

And the very funny thing is
i started seeing i am where i am because of the choices i made
i can't blame anyone or anything anymore
i had to stick by them and work it out the best that it could be

And when i slowly own up
And it was scary because i knew some of the choices made were not the best ones
i saw more of Him even in the mess
i swallowed my first initial reaction to defensiveness
a little slower with my strong opinions and thoughts

i find out i actually was not listening that well
my opinions were faster than my thoughts process and kinda one sided
and it felt so much of a relieved now that i could quietly go about my things

but somehow it's not all gloom and ordinary
its unpredictable and a whole lot exciting at the same time
but finally i think i'm ok with this
what i do now allows me the liberty to do the things close to my heart
and somewhat a little quirky twist
the things close to my heart is kinda what i'm doing now too

and the one thing i really like now
i come to know the family a little bit better too
i thought i knew them but i think i was taking them for granted a bit too often
i'm not saying we're all buddy-buddy, spilling all the guts secrets kinda thing all of a sudden
but they are your family for all the reasons God in His wisdom knows best
and even more so i find out surprisingly
that those cheesy but genuine words and gestures of appreciation does go a long way
especially those that we can seemingly take for granted easily

it's good to have roots
it makes you know yourself better
and see yourself not as highly as you would think

and oh yes, its good to have roots
family, friends, home
because it somehows births a sense of belonging

nobody teaches you the best and the worst of sticking by than your roots
so, am utterly grateful and i think i like this growing old and growing up process
it's not too bad when He's in charge

so far

2010-05-06T18:48:00.001+08:00

THAT was a good day...

it should be done again

one down...

2010-04-26T17:44:00.033+08:00

been out of the blogging scene for way too long. attempting now to resuscitate the whole thing.

alright..a lot have happened and we're going to back date this to a yr. this is the first attempt on trying to get some of the stories straight. and wanted to blog about this WAY back so starting with this..

June '09

went backpacking with a girlfriend to Cambodia and going out into a different culture and people change a lot of things in a way.

so, we were there for 8 days. First 2 days were spend it phnom penh (the capital) and then on the 3rd day took a 6hrs bus ride to siem reap to visit angkor wat.

day 1 and 2 (Phnom Penh)

arrived in phnom penh and first time in a tuk-tuk. our ever faithful tuk-tuk driver stuck with us the whole time we were in phnom penh and it helps a lot when u have a local insights to things.

Rach and I on my very first time in a tuk tuk.

Life in Cambodia.

The temple ruin we visited at phnom penh. Climbed 200 plus steps just to get here and it was worth it.

Was alone while Rachel took another 200 steps to visit another temple ruins. I was enjoying the view till this boy, who looked like he just came back from school pop into the scene. and was not really shy at all when he seemed to slide slowly into the frame everytime i tried to take a pic.

Then we visited the killings fields. A monstrocity of a place during the Khmer Rouge period.

The S21 used to be a school til they turn the whole compound into some sadistic torture place.

Day 3

left on a 6hrs very comfortable bus ride from phnom penh to siem reap and we made new friends. Ben and Anat who turn out to be the best of travel companions u could ask for.

Stopped for a short rest and as the saying goes, when in Rome...photo above is of fried crickets and spiders. Spiders looked somehow 'hairy' so opted for the crickets and they tasted like deep fried shrimps with a hint of lemongrass and curry leaves. Cambodians make some very tasty snacks.

Day 4 Temple Visits Day 1

Woke up at around 430am jus to be at Angkor Wat for the sunrise. And it was all worth it.

Just after the sunrise.

I think this was before we had our coffee and Anat seems to express our just-out-of-slumber-mode the best here.

The higher level of the Angkor Wat which was closed to visitors.

The Asparas or the heavenly dancers adored all the walls of the temple and they were a lot of them.

The elephant court.

Ben and Anat. The BEST travelling buddies Rachel and I could ask for :)

The one of the MANY faces of Bayon.

Those are fig trees behind us.

One of the gates to Bayon. I think this was the North gate.

Day 5 Temple Visit day 2

The highest monument in angkor wat. u could see everything from way up here.

Somehow the sky's more blue and the sunrays more beautiful here.

Sanskrits and some chinese characters?

At the former king's palace just before he moved to angkor wat.

Day 6th

Bantey Srey. the female temple they call it because of the more delicate and deep carvings.

One of the many monks you see around.

Rachel and our tuk tuk driver in siem reap.

7th Day

Took the bus back to Phnom Penh and stayed at a more sleazy part of towns. Someone recommended the hostel there as it was cheap. It was good but the night seems to be a bit more sinister there so we just stayed in and caught up on our sleep. and as i was looking through my folder. I can't seem to find any photos of those last 2 days.

Day 8

Back home and stayed with a good childhood friend, Pat. Swapping stories is always good.

The only photo of Rach and I when we got back. Hairan juga where all the other photos went..

So, attempt 1 done..will proceed to the several next attempts very soon.

and ya! helo people!

un-hiatus mode

2010-03-16T00:49:00.006+08:00

This really spoke to me..

After sanctification, it is difficult to state what your purpose in life is, because God has moved you into His purpose through the Holy Spirit. He is using you now for His purposes throughout the world as He used His Son for the purpose of our salvation.

If you seek great things for yourself, thinking, "God has called me for this and for that," you barricade God from using you. As long as you maintain your own personal interests and ambitions, you cannot be completely aligned or identified with God’s interests. This can only be accomplished by giving up all of your personal plans once and for all, and by allowing God to take you directly into His purpose for the world. Your understanding of your ways must also be surrendered, because they are now the ways of the Lord.

I must learn that the purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him. I should never say, "Lord, this causes me such heartache." To talk that way makes me a stumbling block. When I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance. He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness.

********************************************************

the 'aduh-it-hit-me' of the day

2009-12-08T20:45:00.003+08:00

Doubt holds you landlocked in paralysis unable to move either way. The time you spent doubting is the time you are not alive.

So, rid yourself of the doubt, take that step one way or another, your heart knows what is best, but take it right now.

in a nutshell

2009-10-31T01:17:00.019+08:00

'I laid down my life so that you may LIVE'

¹⁵And He died for all, so that all those who live might live no longer to and for themselves, but to and for Him Who died and was raised again for their sake.

(II Corinthians 5:15 -Amplified Bible)

2009-06-30T16:42:00.009+08:00

brace yourself..this is kind of a long one :)

first a story...

Let me introduce to you a man call Will Campbell.

Now, Will Campbell was born on a farm in Mississippi (southern USA) & although he was born in those rural areas; he never quite fit in. He was a bookworm, and he worked really hard in his studies. He eventually made his way to Yale Divinity School and after graduation, he returned south to take on the role of the director of religious life at the University of Mississippi.

This was in the early 1960s, where most 'proper' Mississipians were againts integration (at that time, the black americans were regarded as nothing more than second class citizens and the intergration movement was a civil rights crusade where they demanded equal rights for them. So you have heroes like Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, Rosa Parks & etc coming out from that generation). When the school found out about Will Campbell's liberal view on integration (he was a integration supporter that is), he was asked to resign from his post.

So, he did & he soon found himself in the thick of the battle. He was leading voters registration drivers and also a big group of young idealistics northerners that have migrated to the south to help in the movement. One of them was a young man, who was a student of the Harvard Divinity School named Jonathan Daniels. After the big march in Selma, a lot of them went back to the North but Jonathan Daniels stayed on and Will eventually befriended him.

The funny thing was in those days, most of the opposition to the intergration movement came from 'good Christians' who refused to let people of other races into their churches & who hates it when anyone tries to change the laws back then that favors the white.

So, as a Christian himself; Will Campbell was going through a major testing on his beliefs not only from the non-Christian circles but mostly from the Christian circles; & ironically, most of his supporters came from the non-Christian circles who were concerned about civil rights.

P.D. East, a renegade newspaper editor whose personal view of Christians were not favorable at all. In fact, he viewed them as the enemy & as a intergration supporter himself; he cannot understand Will's stubborn commitment to his faith.

Then, one day; as they were either going to someplace or coming from someplace. P.D. East asked Will Campbell 'Let me have it. In TEN words; what is the Christian message?' and Will Campbell answered with much conviction ' WE ARE ALL BASTARDS BUT GOD LOVES US ANYWAYS.' 2 words short but that was his answer.

Unknown to Will, that statement actually stung P.D. East; because he was a illigitimate child and was called a bastard all his life.

Then, one day during the darkest period of Will Campbell's life, that statement was put to the greatest test. Jonathan Daniels, was arrested for picketing at a white store. When he was released from jail, he was making his way to a grocery store to make a call when a deputy sheriff by the name of Thomas Coleman appeared with a shotgun and emptied it in the twenty-six year old Jonathan Daniels' stomach. Jonathan died a bloody death in front of a grocery store. The shooting also critically injured a black teenager.

Will Campbell after receiving that news called the Department of Justice, the American Civil Liberties Union & to a lawyer friend; calling the death of his young friend as a total break down in civil rights, a violation of federal & state law and he, in rage used words like rednecks, backwoods, Kluxer and many others to decribe people like Thomas Coleman.

Then, that very same night; in that grief - P.D. East who was with him throughout the ordeal turn to Will Campbell & said 'Come on, brother. Let's talk about your definition.'

Even in that grief; he kept asking Will! Then finally...

"Was Jonathan a bastard?" P.D. asked first. Will replied that Jonathan was one of the most gentle guys he has ever known but it is true that everyone is a sinner; so in those term he reluctantly said "Yes, Jonathan is a bastard."

"Alright", P.D. asked next "Is Thomas Coleman a bastard?" Will found it much easier to say yes to this question.

Then, P.D. pulled his chair close & placed his bony hands on Will's knees & asked the most hardest & penetrating question of all "Which one of these two bastards do you think God loves the most?"

Suddenly, from the mouth of an agnostic; that question made everything clear to Will Campbell. He cried but yet laughed at the fact that he could sooo missed out on the very truth that he holds dear to. He was griefed on his friend's death but overjoyed too at the revelation of that truth.

That night changed everything for Will. He underwent a kind of earthquake of GRACE. He resigned from his position with the National Council of Churches & bought a farm in Tennessee.

Today, He is likely to be seen ministring amongst the Klansmens & racists; as much as he is seen helping the racial minorities. His call he says (after that night's revelation); is amongst the 'Thomas Colemans' of the world.

Story modified from 'What so amazing about grace?' Visual edition

which was inspired from the book itself...

alright...sinking in yet?

i must admit this was a hard story. In fact, this was a hard book. but maybe it's not really much on the book but the truth it carries with it. It's a hard truth - plain & simple but not really :) is that messing with your head yet? :D

i honestly say i don't know if i could even come close to what this man did...but I love God with every strain of my being. During times when it's easier to take the side of the victim ONLY and be ruthless and demanding blood to be from the side of those that wield the 'torment', i pray i may remember grace.

during times, when i'm on the hurting part that i may see through a different eye & not dwell or indulge in the wounds that are mine.

i'm not one to stay down & die. with the little that i have i want to fight for what is mine & what i deem is right.

can the quest for justice and truth be fought but not with swords or hurtful words but with grace?

can truth be uphold with grace & not violence?

i want to do what is right but i want to remember grace! i have never deserved God's redemption & forgiveness but He gave it anyways. could i also in that same breath ask that the same way i have received grace, let me give it out the same? eventhough the demands & expectations on our lives is high & pressured - can we still exercise grace? eventhough the talks & words may hurt, i may remember grace?

i dont think grace reduce us to useless doormats but grace must be essential in our quest for truth and justice. If not, we will be as ruthless as any conquerers or dictators of history.

oh! that we may remember that we are ALL sinners and that our only hope is His grace!

updates

2009-05-17T23:48:00.010+08:00

some break down on what has been going on..not really in sequence. kinda forgot which came first & etc..

Nick had his graduation
The clan come in full support

Amy (aka the best friend) also graduated

and seeing her again is always a good thing :)

Slotted 2 ministry trips back to back..didn't go for the first one because of work but the team was all gamed for it

Trip 1

doing what they love best

the girls

the boys

The team

Trip 2
Had some car problem which left us to roam the compound of a Shell gas station for hours; nearly four hours to be exact. Wasn't all that bad but it just left me a little 'sien' of looking at another gas station for the next few days.

the team again :)

and ya! had a birthday & as usual, celebrated it together with my sis's because hers is just a few days after mine. yes! time sure have flown..

the females Lims

one of my favourite shot so far..courtesy of yet another aspiring photographer i'm very blessed to be surrounded with :)

well..was thinking bout something..

and this was a fun event not to be forgotten here too-the miri jazz festival. fun not entirely because of the event but more of the company.i had michelle, serena, and joy with me and that accounts to a great 'family' bonding time :) we dance til we could dance no more..

kinda like the blue lights here and Oja was a great dance-mate :)

alien was back :) which is always a great joy (insert irony here :P)

can you say b.l.i.s.s.? :)

that's about it.

photos are courtesies of

michelle

eric

they're getting soooo good! really :)

God bless, all!

and it hit hard...

2009-04-26T00:30:00.005+08:00

A friend of mine just went through one of the toughest weekend of her life. It was Easter weekend and she got nothing but bad news from 3 different perspective..so imagine, we're reminded of Christ death & celebrated His victorious resurrection on that particular week & here she was, struggling in that turmoil.

When I got word of what really happened, it was already a few days after that.

What i'm writing here are both a deep convictions on my part and full respect of her.

Convictions because I should have sense or seen it & should have taken the time to really ask her what happened but instead I didn't see it & we were so engrossed with the other things that were going around & in our own lives. But one thing i do thank God (so much) was that He provided wiser counsel for her. She had people she could talked to & He didn't leave her hanging, but even in the light of that - i shouldn't have assumed..i shouldn't have been so oblivious.

Next, a full respect because she might look burdened & even dismayed and although she didn't tell us anything at the point when things were happening - she held on. She didn't fake her emotions. She sang with sob of tears in her eyes but she sang hard.

For me, that's guts! That she worshipped God even though the pressure of the situations were mounting. Yes! she was angry..yes! she was extremely hurt..yes! It was unbearable..

It could have even been understandable if she withdrew from everything and just taking a time-out but instead, she didn't withdraw. She had her silent tears and aching look but she didn't withdraw.

The mess she landed herself in, 2 of it was so unnecessary & truly said - it's not even her fault to begin with, while the other one was unexpected & worrying.

So, i guess what i'm trying to say here is this; that weekend her devotion & worship cost her dearly. It's one thing to worship God in the midst of good & blessings but to still worship Him as a great & good God in the midst of such unnecessary troubles & unresolved mess - it's too mind boggling..it's too oxymoron! and the funny thing was, now that i know what i know - it was a powerful worship!

One way or another, the trouble is still unresolved today but we talk about it now. I pray she doesn't feel too alone in the struggle and if she reads my blog, i hope she comes out knowing she has both convicted and challenged me greatly! I thank her for not pretending. Her scars & pains are real..and her worship was even more real.

I believe with every ounce of my being that God is still good. Life is terribly unfair & stupid so many times but as real life hits & grabs us; God is even more real. He is not one who doesn't understand. The Bible says we have a High Priest (Jesus) who sympathise with us. He sympathise because He Himself understand what pain, betrayal, unfairness and loneliness are.

And that makes me love God more! Because how could I worship a God who is aloof or afar off? A mystic of a divine figure, who doesn't understand a shread of human emotions or struggle? I can't because it will be a total waste of time! I won't waste my short & mortal earthly life in trying to gain favor from a figure who doesn't give a 'hoot' about me!

But instead, we are told of a story of a great & loving God. Who not only say it but lived it. He came into human history because He is no liar neither cruel. Yes, there is pain & evil in the world because of sin, but just as He too lived in the midst of the sin-ravaged world - He showed us we can too.

He doesn't undermined the wickedness & pain but He said even that, even the aftermath of sin - can't 'kill' you. I'm not saying we 'switch-off' when we go through such heartbreaking pain and neither do we go foolishly looking for it but we go through none the less; we go through & persevere because even though you don't see any solution at all - that act of holding on to the truth that He will pull you through it, is in itself the lesson learned. That act of holding-on is in itself powerful!

Another lesson learned - don't make up your mind about something in a haste. Learn to REALLY see. When the Holy Spirit lives in us, the moment when we tend to come out strong in opinion & we sense a soft hint of doubt..rewind!

anyways, i thought i'd leave you all with a video by John Piper, who i regard as one of my heroes of faith :) This video spoke volume to me..i hope it does to you too...

Really go with God, people! Because He doesn't disappoint. Really!

and you think you could shock him?

2009-03-29T21:19:00.015+08:00

pondering..so, these - my pondering thoughts..

could we honestly say God can be shock with the state of our hearts and the mess our lives have gotten into?

why am i asking? because recent events have made me remembered how i felt when i was going through a major turning point in my faith with God. The turning point couldn't have come at a more crazy period of my life. I was at a point where i was experimenting with everything i've always wanted to do and life everyday was a bliss, i made up my own mind, answered to no one, wanted to see exactly what i could get away with, i was the captain of my destiny, i had a plan for my life, and i had people in my life then that would never leave me lonely..and God was just a remote, sweet, lingering memory.

but yet..there was a fundamental truth, which i kinda forgot - He didn't forget me.

so after a long period of avoiding God (i still went to church btw and i was still nice :) but yeah..detached, fish out of water and a side-liner more like it); one day, all of a sudden i felt so restless and agitated and so lost...so HOMESICK! and also lonely (?!!?!) that i found myself on my knees on a hot, sweaty saturday afternoon in my room facing an open window and begging for something..anything in fact not to feel that way. i've never felt that depressed and empty..but i had all what i wanted, which rendered me clueless to begin with.

then, in that state..angry, clueless, lost, frustrated..i felt i had to take my bible. so i dusted the cobwebs of it (exaggerating..yedeh!) and in that cluelessnes..somehow, it opened up to Haggai 1 (even in my early hey days of being an enthusiastic Christian i don't remember ever noticing haggai much yet reading it). so, Haggai was a pleasant surprise..

and what really hit me was THIS...

Haggai 1

^{⁵ Now this is what the LORD Almighty says: "Give careful thought to your ways. ⁶ You have planted much, but have harvested little. You eat, but never have enough. You drink, but never have your fill. You put on clothes, but are not warm. You earn wages, only to put them in a purse with holes in it."}

AND

^{^{9"you expected much, but see, it turned out to be little. What you brought home, I blew away. Why?" declares the LORD Almighty. "Because of my house, which remains a ruin, while each of you is busy with his own house.}}

should i describe what comes next? if i was alone in the house that day..the neighbours could have heard a screeching long wail and sobs of buried tears - but i had my pride and family still in the house; so, the tears and cries were reasonable quieter but honestly real none the less..

so..anyhoo...

that sweaty afternoon..i felt God speaking to me so loud and clear. through that pile of mess i was buried in - i still heard Him! it broke me to a point i didn't know how i was going to be after that. i didn't even know if i could get up.

but got up i did..i knew it was still a big mess..but something inside of me changed that afternoon.

the week to come was one of the most difficult for me. i couldn't tell anyone wat exactly was going on in the inside and now that i think about it..i should have let some ppl in on it. if i were to seek for some Godly counsel - i think it wasn't too difficult of a task for God to provide..but i didn't know then :)

so, i tried to stay to myself a bit..trying to gather my thoughts so to say..eemmm..but can i honestly say, that i still fail. guess i kinda had a reputation or status quo to keep or should i say a lifestyle to entertain - so i thought! (if i could go back in time, i would have slapped myself silly for even thinking that)

there were major tug-of-war sessions going on..at a point i even got angry with God for starting the whole 'conscience' or 'stirring-in-the-heart' thing but then i realise i was beginning to see and feel and understand things..although it was very painful - i never felt so alive.

there were shame, doubt, second thoughts, the 'what-ifs' and 'how-about-this?' but there was also that hunger and thirst and the *arghh!* groaning inside to want to just be ok with God. i desperately missed Him and longed so much to be accepted again..to not feel so crappy inside.

i knew i was a hypocrite..and messed up. it felt as if i was that salt that has lost its saltiness..

and through it all..what held me was this - i KNOW i heard Him! i know He called me and deep down i knew He understands!

so one thing led to another..for my case, i had to cut off a lot of things because all of a sudden i lost all appetite to what used to thrill me. in fact i felt revolted and restless..and all the backlashes i got because of that - well, let just say it wasn't a pretty picture :)

but those moments when i felt as if i couldn't hold my ground; things happen where somehow i thought i would crumple - but i didn't. i found myself still standing and more determined to pursue this! to pursue Him.

then came one decision that now that i looked at it - i knew it was God at work. i came back to Miri or should i say - i HAD to come back to Miri. i was angry with the decision and i showed it and i went into a relapse..hehe..

then, God intervined in a remarkable way. along came a camp - an EYM camp! Pr John was still a stranger then; i didn't know him, didn't want to know him and didn't trust him (hehe..i don't think he reads my blog but ah well - true story) and i don't know what possesed him to one day ask me to lead a song. ME?!!! i haven't sang anything remotely 'churchy' for a long period of time!

but i sang..i kinda forgot what i sang but that day felt as if every ounce of my hope was resting on the words of that song because i remembered some lines in it that talked about the desperate cry of wanting to be in His presence and that i could only offer what i can bring...something like that

So, that incident somehow ignited that restless pursuit again and i went on. with whatever that was left of me i went on. i didn't know much but i needed to make it right with Him, i was determined to know Him.

to end it all, with this experience in mind. One of my greatest fear back then was that i felt God was appalled at my life. i was determined, but relapsed and determined again. one way or another, i couldn't really fathom how He would willingly give anyone a second chance.

then i learned something. the human heart and its nature - what made me think God wouldn't understand them? if Christ died on that cross for my sins, for all of mankind most unspeakable, detestable and gruesome of sins - wouldn't it be logic that He understand the degree of the corruptness of sin? He must have seen it all! He must know!

i thought He couldn't take it but He bore it all on that cross. Not only could he take it - He conquered it! He didn't stay dead! He understands the human nature more than anything or anyone in existence. He must! because what trust do anyone of us have on a naive Saviour? He wasn't oblivious.

do we trust enough that He is sovereign? His grace is there so is His strength. I believe in God's law, we don't take His grace for granted but i also know He understands i'm human. When i think i can't, i bring it all out to the surface, and He has never fail me. He might answer very differently from what i expected but He never failed.

so, i think He's not done with me yet and i don't think i'm done with what i'm suppose to be doing :) so, i'm walking on; i'm pursuing on..

hold steady, people!

Go with God!

project

2009-03-18T17:58:00.003+08:00

Sarikei '09 was a blast (so i heard)

gearing up for the next ministry trip. will be away for the weekend :)

and our pending project. song writing.

why? because, why not? it's worth a try and at times don't you feel you somehow just want to express your worship, awe, gratefulness, hope, and even struggles or lessons learned in your walk with God?

to just put it out there...

so, here's our maiden project of 'putting-it-out-there'

this is call 'free in You'

Go with God, people!

for now..

2009-02-17T01:14:00.007+08:00

goodbye & the best of everything for now to the latest of the retards that just left us for aussie-land, esther.

the food was good, the company greater and that made up for a one heck of an evening..

and some of the avid photographers kept snapping away..

the lady of the night - esther

esther & jo

esther, jo & i

the leader of the pack

the eagle's wings presenting session ;)

the girl & her guitar

pine + apple..hehe..

gavin

photos courtesy of Nick

2009-01-31T02:21:00.009+08:00

DO YOU SEE YOUR CALLING?

"Separated unto the Gospel." Romans 1:1

Our calling is not primarily to be holy men and women, but to be proclaimers of the Gospel of God. The one thing that is all important is that the Gospel of God should be realized as the abiding Reality.

Reality is not human goodness, nor holiness, nor heaven, nor hell; but Redemption; and the need to perceive this is the most vital need of the Christian worker to-day. As workers we have to get used to the revelation that Redemption is the only Reality. Personal holiness is an effect, not a cause, and if we place our faith in human goodness, in the effect of Redemption, we shall go under when the test comes.

Paul did not say he separated himself, but - "when it pleased God who separated me. . ." Paul had not a hypersensitive interest in his own character. As long as our eyes are upon our own personal whiteness we shall never get near the reality of Redemption.

Workers break down because their desire is for their own whiteness, and not for God. "Don't ask me to come into contact with the rugged reality of Redemption on behalf of the filth of human life as it is; what I want is anything God can do for me to make me more desirable in my own eyes."

To talk in that way is a sign that the reality of the Gospel of God has not begun to touch me; there is no reckless abandon to God. God cannot deliver me while my interest is merely in my own character. Paul is unconscious of himself, he is recklessly abandoned, separated by God for one purpose - to proclaim the Gospel of God (cf. Rom. 9:3.)

Oswald Chambers
My utmost for His highest
(31st Jan reading)

Get it? get it!

It has never been about us, our preoccupation with ourselves. Neither our image or how we preceived ourselves standing before God. It's all about Him. What He alone has done!

So, if the finished work of the cross is enough then whatever i've busied myself with, i cannot not worship Him. I worship Him because of the revelation of who He is and my character flows through that relationship.

can you not see that simplicity? when i know Him, i do not need to defend myself nor my characters neither my dreams nor convictions because if i know its how its suppose to be and i do it, the cost eventhough its a piercing pain would somehow passed. it does not haunt me.

when i know Him, my attitude and care for others is not something i forced out of me but something He made alive in me. that i somehow adopted my Father's love. i take on to care about what He cares about.

the freedom to do what's on my Father's heart..that reckless abandonment, its not making us into a wimp unable to face the grit of real life but in that paradox, it is when i surrender that i'm truly free. so free that there's an unspeakable strength that arises when met with every kind of situation. i learn to be His even in those vein-squeezing moments and i want to be His for whatever that transpire in this one life.

heard somewhere that obedience is simple when we obey..oxymoron somehow but true.

so you feeling yourselves struggling unecessary somehow?

maybe you should stop and truly ask why?

what treasures have we set our hearts on?

we somehow become what we pursue, you know.

So, what are you pursuing, pursuer?

Go with God, ppl!

this so far..

2009-01-30T01:27:00.006+08:00

taking a breather ever more often now. really need it so i'm glad that this one week plus break came at the right time.

anyways, just wondered when did things get this layered? i'm not complaining - far from it but merely pondering. i remembered life being simple and safe but now it's not that simple and man! the adventures and misadventures that you find around every corner..

who would have known the typical adult life of work, play, friends, family, bills, responsibilities and certain expectations could be such a tricky maneuver. in the glory days of the past, people conquered land and empires in their bid to survive and expand; today our survival and expansion lies in life's daily mundane decisions.

oh! decisions, decisions, decisions! deciding which is right and wrong, deciding between priorities; deciding even what should be a priority; deciding what to hold on and what to let go; deciding either to act or wait; deciding to retaliate in frustration or respond rightly - brushing bruised ego aside; deciding to hold on and persevere when many others have long given up.

as a child i don't really remembered being scared of anything except the occasional bedtime ghost stories told at camp and my mum's queer fascination with a little known movie called 'the exorcist' (add cynicism here) and yea not to forget - the disciplinarian which were my parents. yes! they were mighty strict but in all the right manner. a child-care practice that i too would one day want to pass on to the next generation of the family. discipline's still discipline, you know.

anyways, from that to today. it's not about being scared or fearful but you think hard about life and the future and the present and sometimes the occasional past. you think hard about the consequences of your actions. you think hard whether your response parallels your true character. you think hard whether your character betrayed the beliefs you hold dear to your heart and soul. you think hard whether you decided because of pressure and expectations or that it's truly what you decided - and that even if given the same situation you would not decide otherwise.

i believe in the person Jesus Christ and that He is man and also God for us all. I believe His death and resurrection is God's ultimate and only plan for our redemption. i believe He will return again as the Bible says He will. I believe He is unique and the one and only truth. He is un-parallel to others. He is God.

and because He is God, i believe what He said in the Bible that in all things i do not need to worry because He watches over me well. i believe it when He said that whenever i make my request known to Him, He listens. that He knows my heart, my whole being and that nothing is hidden from Him. i believe it when He said He love me and not only did He give me a created beginning and a glorious ending with Him but life on earth is not without His presence and purpose. He saw it fit that i should be born at this time and age for reasons that He knew i must be here.i believe when He said that all things on this-side-of-heaven (pun intentional :P ) does not last.

and because of that, my yesterdays, todays and tomorrows are not as unbearable anymore.we all have our struggles and pain. no one's exempted. this is the tragedy of the fallen humanity, none can escape. but we have One who sympathise with us. who understands because He once walked through it too. a God who is not afar off but who is close and understands. who does not sneers and condemns when we fall but eagerly awaits our return.

i will be 28 this year (you can stop giggling now...) my range of influence and relationships includes family, colleagues, friends, great friends, flocks, students, acquaintances... i wonder if i've done enough sometimes. have i said enough, did i pray enough? do i care enough? or was i too busy 'finding myself'..eemmm...guess what. i think i found myself already. flawed and not at all put together as i thought (a self confessed former idealist) i have come to the end of my own self justification many times now. i'm a failure at trying to keep my promises and principles. try as i might i have constantly fail. i'm a failure at trying to be a good christian all the time and basically i'm tired of it.

but don't you see. that's just it. i cannot with all my good intention and strength be right. i cannot be good and many times my failures is in front of me that talking to people about Christ seem so hyprocritical but again that's just it. i can't but He can. for me, when i stopped trying to be the one with the correct answers all the time; that was when i learned to be real and honest before Him. when i felt like crap, i told Him exactly how i felt and as i learn to be brutally honest with Him, i learn to be brutally honest with myself. and i don't know how it happened; i kinda learned how to listened. and yes! God does speak. through the Bible, people and situations. and when i listened, i'm directed. it's when i'm not listening that my feet seem to loose its footing.

but one thing i do really pray. He knows my desire of going into the mission field but now even sharper is the scrutinizing of my intentions. i thought it was a romantic notion and gave it no thought for a long time until i felt like i was walking around as if some part of me was missing. it was when i really gave it to Him plain and simple did i found out that it wasn't a mere child's play. i wanted to just tell of what He had done because He had done SOOOOO much! how could anyone go through this normal routine of life in which ever part of the world and be totally oblivious of this magnitude of love, of purpose, of redemption.

i thought i failed Him somehow by not going. as i prayed, doors were somehow shut or ways prematurely cut to enter into a real mission organisation. and i found myself in class teaching and at my desk marking...

funny thing is, i also found myself in that same place crossing lives with all sorts of people. people of whom i would otherwise have never met. relationships were fostered and as our lives opened up to one another, it was natural i will talk about the one Person who is the dearest to me. it was a lot of followed up and a great lesson in patience and trust even in helplessness but it was worth it. i do the sowing..and making it grow is His part and that was a priceless truth i must learned and re-learned.

so no regrets. my burdens, my pains and my joys are real. my reality today is the world i live in and the one i'm waiting for in the next. although escapism is tempting but i'd rather with His grace face it with hope and grit trust that He will enable me to do what must be done. so, this life is real - so is my God. He is real in all my situations. my dreams, my failures, my strengths, my weaknesses. He is real.

the fight's not in vain.

hey! hey! 2009!

btw..just for some fill-ins
1. Exuberant seminar the second in march. wooohoo! to the small not so dusty town of sarikei.
2. LifeGame in march too.
3. this will be a first - an invite to Brunei churches. Its eym for main services. sweet!
4. trip in june! oh! can't wait..
5. new songs are coming up! will let u all in when it's done. psyched..psyched..very psyched!
6. a must watch - invisible children the a must do-something-about it 'click'

7. a must listen -

Johnny Lang - Turn around
bluegrass gospel, which totally nailed my taste palette. oh! the lead is sooo good!

Need to breathe - The heat
Not bad if you're really craving for some of those southern comfort ;)

Hillsong - this is our God
what can i say? they cannot go wrong, well so far & yes i know this came out months ago but it's still good.

Next!

2009-01-04T17:21:00.004+08:00

2008
New post and responsiblities were thrust on in Jan.
Had a alarming urge to pack up and go in Feb.
Finally, took the first ministry trip together after so long in March & it was surreally timely.
'I'm still here?!' and work and music intermixed (somehow)in Apr.
Again 'I'm still here?!' in May.
Backstage & thinking 'i could be happy doing this' in June.
Digesting the new direction in July.
Accepting the new direction (after some divine convincing) in Aug.
False alarm :) and a better grasp of the new direction in Sept.
A start of some really interesting conversations in Oct.
Had a taste of what dreams may bring in Nov.
Ah! Network! How beautiful you are in Dec.

And this ALL happened in a flash!

2009
Here in the mundane and routine but staying because of a promise
(And He does keep His words).
Refuse to see the mundane and routine as that literally.
What dreams, waiting and stepping out will bring.
And the word to start the new year - simplicity!

Happy New Year, all!

2008-11-25T15:57:00.010+08:00

Randy Tie, my ex-flock/ my ministry comrade/ budding worship leader/ fellow eym-ian...this is a respond to your tag :)

Rule 1 People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any questions that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

Rule 2 Tag 5 people to do this quiz and those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by and cannot tag the person whom they were tag by continuing this game by sending it to other people.

1. Do you have secrets?
nothing worth defending to death for but i do have my struggles. if you know me well enough & the occasion calls for it, i'll share..

2. Would you fall in love with a guy younger than you?
within a permitted and non-awkward radius..thank you, very much!

3. Do you enjoy going to work?
enjoy will be an overstatement but i do not dislike it either. At the moment its just the right channel to learn more about people & the world we live in, on planning; doing & getting things right. i have no complains.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?
with a straight face - EYM centre (as some of you know, just came back from a trip. Had a chance to be with an awesome bunch of people from the Bethany ministries & what they are doing with Bethany Home was like God sending a real-life visual example what we have always wanted to do with the centre. it gripped me right there & then), i'll channel the rest into existing mission/community/halfway homes programme/organisation, whichever the Lord leads. I'll make sure the family would also be decently looked after..but we do know that acquisition of a billion dollars does NOT happen on the ordinary everyday level so in any case, with or without the billion dollars; this is still something i would wanna do in my lifetime..in a more moderate scale maybe but it's not impossible..

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?
the man i love & spending my whole earthly life with would be my best friend..isn't friendship about sharing vision, dreams, hopes, struggles & life with..so of course yes. As best friends goes (Amy can testify to this :p hi, my mission-bound friend!), we'll definitely have those personality, preference & opinion conflict moments but its these that make us who we are. Makes us wiser & in many ways, less self-centred

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
i can't give what i don't have..i can't teach what i don't know. So, as i'm confident & secured in being loved; only then can i show you true unconditional love..on which is more blessed; be loved then love as you are loved - it's naturally intertwined that you can't separate them..so, that's my 2 cents..

7. List 5 favourite movies.
ooohhhhh! don't get me started - The Shawshank Redemption (my ultimate top), The Lord of the rings (my most watched movie), Jaws, Pan's Labyrinth, Infernal affairs, The Sign, The kingdom, Blood Diamond, V for Vendetta, Spirited Away, Edward Scissorhands, 28 days later, Snatch, Freedom Writers, The science of sleep, Amelie, The silence of the lambs, Dead poet society, Batman begins, Jarhead, Walk the line, Kill Bill, Braveheart...i sooo love movies :)

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?

Nothing..that's the great rule of thumb..you don't 'mess' with other people's 'attachment' :) do to others what you want others to do to you So don't do to others what you don't want others to do to you

9. List 5 favourite TV shows
Love The Simpsons, Heroes, Jamie Oliver's anything :), my name is Earl, SNL

10. Do you have any regrets?
yes..

11. How would you see yourself in 10 years time?
More wiser & even more passionate in doing & being what i'm suppose to do & be, settled down with a family

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
God first and foremost, then the people in my life, family, friends, flocks - people that will constantly challenge & encourage me to stick to the path...

13. What kind of person do you think the person that tagged you is?
growing & learning (spiritually & personality-wise)

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
married period..the financial condition is not something irrevocable..

15. What is your favourite color?
this is easy! GREEN!!!

16. Would you give all in a relationship?
well...i give my all in my relationship with God and i'm real in all the other relationships that's branching out through that..

17. If you fall in love with two person simultaneously, which one would you choose?
NOT going to happen...

18. What are the top 5 countries on your "to-go" list?
Greece, Vietnam, Brazil, India, Prague & another one pls - cambodia!

19. Name 3 things you would like to do but would never be able to.
if i can't never do it then it's not what i would like to do...but if it's something i know i should do or can do then it's not never..it's just going to take a longer time & more determination to reach there but i don't believe in NEVER unless its His never :) dead serious!

20. 5 people I have tagged.
Rachel Raymond, Amy C - that's about it for now i guess...

Currently...

2008-09-02T20:36:00.015+08:00

1. reading

I'm not finished with it yet but wanted to to take the time to quote some profound thoughts and writings found here. Hope it's as profound to you as it is to me :)

The problem is not fundamentally hypocrisy. We're all hypocrites at some level. The problem is the air of superiority many of us carry around. We stop acknowledging imperfections in our lives. We forget where we came from and all God has done in our lives. I don't see Jesus's teaching a call to fake moral superiority. I'm a sinner following Him. I don't have it all together, and that admission is precisely what tweaks the perception of hypocrisy.

Jud Wilhite
pg. 61

We're labeled hypocritical because we are. I know i'm a hypocrite, and i'm not sorry for it. I have this thing called sin, which is like a disease -- or at least it gives me a lot of dis-ease (hehe..witty!) -- woven into the fabric of my being. I didn't ask for it; i don't want it. More often that not the sin manifests itself in the form of self-destructive behaviour. So, if i look a little inconsistent on the outside, you can only imagine what's going on in the inside.

I realized how much i was infected and how much it is affecting my attitude, my relationships, my life. So the truth is that i'm fighting. I'm fighting sin with everything i've got. Some days i fare better than others. Odds are that if you're calling me a hypocrite, then you caught me on my worst days.

I'm sorry, i'm sorry that i let you down and disappointed you. But the truth is that i'm not giving up or letting go. I've encountered a God who promises that the battle ends in victory -- life instead of death. So, call me crazy -- i am holding on to that promise. I'm also trying to uphold the standards God has set. They're pretty high, and some days i just find myself laying on the ground, staring at the ceiling. But then i feel an urge, an energy, to get up and fight once again.

Margaret Feinberg

pg. 64-65

Simply put, we must stop presenting ourselves as the message and begin presenting Jesus as the message. There will be dissapointment as long as there are imperfect people. Since all Christians are imperfect, there will always be dissapointment. So, we must stop having the message of Christ tied to our butchered efforts.

Jim White
pg. 66

Reading this, I felt as if the writers were penning down my very own thoughts and cries. The beautiful coincidence was last Sunday's sermon was driving in the point of God's faithfulness in keeping His words & promises - this truth is what keeps us going. That which makes us stand up to fight with everything we've got on something we know God has promised. Even sitting on the pew that Sunday, it drove so deep that I could feel my heart in my throat.

And finally, from Leo Tolstoy the great 19th century novelist...

Attack me, I do this myself, but attack me rather than the path I follow and which I point out to anyone who asks of me where I think it lies. If I know the way home and am walking along it drunkenly, is it any less the right way because I'm staggering from side to side.

In a personal letter

2. gearing up for a cook-out

Yes, I know Michelle blogged about it but since we're both in the same boat although she's cooking and I'm judging (muahaha!); that's what we're busy preparing for.

Interested? You know who to tell.

Last but not least....one more quote;

Just because we believe in the power of the Holy Spirit does not mean we check out our brains at the church door. We are commanded to test the spirits. Jesus wants us to love Him with our hearts and our minds.

J Lee Grady
Editor of the Christian Magazine - Charisma

stumbled upon

2008-08-28T21:52:00.005+08:00

some word play art

at wordle.net

to hold and to have....the books i mean..

2008-08-27T03:10:00.009+08:00

1. The book is entitled Lost in Transmission? What We Can Know About the Words of Jesus by Nicholas Perrin

Love this quote...

'If following Jesus means anything, it means living a life of integrity and therefore also a life that steadily refuses to participate in the obstruction of truth. But people can be tempted to suppress the truth when they feel something precious will be lost if the truth comes out. That is why, in the trafficking of ideas, we must be wary of the faux pearl of great price, the sense of stability that accompanies the delusive conviction that we have thoroughly and decisively made sense of the world. When people succumb to that temptation of ignoring challenges to their faith, they are in the end demonstrating that they are more committed to the feeling of having a lock on the truth than to the truth itself. When Christians succumb to the same temptation, there is the added temptation of justifying their intellectual disengagement by appealing to faith or the Holy Spirit or something like that. Not only does this rationale shut down a discussion that is probably worth having; it also usually has more to do with intellectual laziness or megalomania than anything remotely biblical or divine. No one should be readier than the Christian to explore the truth…'

2. The next book is ' I want to believe: Finding Your Way in an Age of Many Faiths ' by Mel Lawrenz

books that are great to have. me want!

2008-08-26T19:02:00.009+08:00

So much have transpired these few months that penning it down here seemed taxing. Just in case you're not in the know of this, i'm a journal person. So, i already have my tangible outlet right here in the real world..

Another thought came in though, that just as much as i love reading what's going on in your life dear friends & to also learn the same lessons you are learning, i wanna have faith that we have brought the art of 'sharing' into a whole new level here :) so, it is in this manner, that i'm blogging this..

For those closest to me, you would have known this - cos i talked about it oh! so constantly..

Next year (yes ,2009) would have been what i deemed a pivotal year for me as it was the year that i wanted to relinquished my 'secular' duties to pursue a life in the mission field. It is not something that i just thought about overnight but something that i have digested & burnt inside of me as long as i could remember. So much so, it was the only thing i thought i wanted to do fresh out of high school. But life kinda took a different path..i fell in love with a Nighthawk.That love eventually led me to Mech. Eng. I blame this on a F5 Physics Project :)

To cut the story short, it led me to where i am now. To what i have been doing for the past 5 years *gasp!*

Honestly, i have no complain. I struggle as much as the next person, doing the best with what comes in my way. Living & breathing in it, juggling the never-ending responsibilities & yet the desire continues to burn. It reached unbearable somewhere early this year that i was adamant in preparing to go by next year. And because it is that important to me, i waited for an answer. I wanted to be sure that the time was right & it was clear cut that it's what i should be doing.

The answer came. Not what i would have expected. After a gutsy declaration that i would lay it all to go, the answer was again - wait. After nearly 10 years, it was still a wait!??!!

All of a sudden, my own gutsy philosophy & stubborn inclination had to be sieved. Was this desire a mere romantic notion (you know, boldly declaring God's truth against the background of a aliened culture & etc.)? Was this me trying to escape into a more 'adventurous' life? Was this desire rooted in an 'escapist' mode?

The most uncanny thing was, i found myself at peace with the answer that i would have otherwise debate furiously againts. Somehow knowing that i needed more convincing, the confirmation also came from an innocent text message from Joy right after i had a dream of me leaving for somewhere but stopped & turned around & stayed. STAYED!!

So, i'm staying because of a promise, that God knows my deepest of desire. Where i am is secondary. My most primal desire now is this one life is for His perusal.

So, today i find myself in many roles. Surrounded by the familliar & at times routine, but i also see doors; opportunities. My life has crossed paths with people that have pushed me to the limit, situations have stretched & still is stretching me, i've treaded on so many unfamiliar grounds, walked in areas that i knew i would have fallen flat on the ground & never could have gotten up(if not for Him), i've bored the shame of my mistakes & i have had my pre-cultured 'Christian' mind exploded & challenged. So i guess the familiar & routine is not that familiar & routine after all.

In all the phases of my life, growing up sheltered in a nice Christian environment; it is only now - that desire to make Him known is the greatest. This phase, where i'm literally amidst the world culture. Amidst so many people with different backgrounds & values. Amidst vein trooping stress! Amidst opinions & assumptions on the Christian faith & how we do church...Some that made you ponder, some totally absurd! And yet, there's a sharp pain inside of you that Christ knows each & everyone of them & you wonder how anyone could go through life without knowing that. Without knowing the greatest act of redemption through the cross & the blood was for them - for all of us.

That this man Jesus was truly indeed God & man for our sake. He died & rose for our sake. He gave grace & mercy to the worst of being - us.

I look at my students & the life that is before them..how could they go through life not knowing?
I look at my colleagues & them striving to defend the meaning to their lives or searching still..isn't true meaning found only in the truth?

And i look at myself...i have nothing to show for. I got no name or credentials. I still act kiddish at times (hehe..) & yes my flaws are still so obvious...but is that excuse enough? Wouldn't it be a contradictory to God's character that i need to be somebody before He could use me? Could He not use what i already have? maybe the bigger question here is, do we trust enough to just go about the Father's business, doing what we can, where we are even though we're flawed creatures living in a messed-up world?

i desire to be pleasing to Him...as cliche as it sounds, i kid you not. So, as i go about my duties; be it the church or outside of it, may it be with the same fervour and convictions because He must be God in all of my life's dimensions.

As for the mission field, this is what i have now. We'll see where He'll bring from there. At the moment, He's working through my staying here. In fact, i have had a LOT of lessons learned & drilled in just by staying. Things i wouldn't have learned if i were to throw my hands up & said 'Enough! This heathen world is NOT for me! I'm going to do God's works now.' hehe...

Well, its still kinda not for me but it's the world that i am doing God's work now. Its a constant struggle but so is the mission field i dream of. Pain & struggle will always be a part of life...God had to take the world to teach me that..but i'm glad He did.

still learning....

in response

2008-08-18T21:54:00.003+08:00

Miss Roum...i'm coming out of my shell because of your tag ah!

so here goes

1. The person who last tag you is:
GRACE SUPANG ROUM :)

2. Your relationship with him/her is:
friends/flock/brother's significant other :)

3. Your five ten impression of him/her:
a) teachable
b) very loyal to her loved ones
c) quietly opinionated
d) loves God & works to pls Him
e) eager to learn
f) gives great beauty product tips
g) loves to have a good laugh
h) honestly concerned about people
i) thankful
j) graceful!

4. The most memorable thing he/she had done for you:
gave the whole family a good laugh when she mastermind the prank we pulled on Nick

5. The most memorable thing he/she had said to you:
the one thing i really remember the most, grace are your sharing with the girls in YC..does that count? cos it was a real, honest sharing ba

Questions 6-9 will be ignored for sanity reason

10. The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is:
Literally now...to intro some movies that i think you might enjoy. Considering the fact you just said you wanted to watch more movies 10mins ago..1. Dead poet Society 2. Woman, thou art loose (oh ya..forgot to tell you bout this one just now. i think you will love it - thanks, Michelle. I agree. Its good!) 3. The princess bride 4. Infernal Affairs (this is sooo good la..) aisshh..too many la. will tell you more when i meet you again :)

11. Your overall impression of him/her is:
a city girl with a big heart

12. How you think people around you will feel about you?:
echoing grace, depends i guess..

13. The characters you love of yourself are:
la....don't know how to answer. But i can say that knowing Christ as Lord & my deepest of confidante has been & still is the greatest joy of my life.

14. On the contrary, the characters you hate about yourself are:
lazy (it's easier to finish through things that excite you but very tough when it's something you don't really like to do but have to. I'm not giving excuse but many times i have to literally push myself to do these mundane, draggy, everyday things. It has never been easy, it's still not easy but it just must be done. I hate the feeling of pushing myself through it but i hate it even more if people & situations suffer because of my unwillingness & negligence. So, that's the struggle!)

15. The most ideal person you want to be is:
*with a straight face* someone after God's heart. Am only where i am & doing what i'm doing because it's what i'm suppose to do now.

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them:
Thank you for being there for me :) all the laughter, the joy, the pain, the struggles we share have made my life what it is & even if i have to start over....i will not choose otherwise..

17. Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you:
#1. Grace! [you tag me so i tag you lo :)]
#2. Amy
#3. Kenaina
#4. Jo Tayun
#5. Ian Salang
#6. Rachel Raymond
#7. Dorothy
#8. kong lit tak
#9. Justin
#10. Randy

18. Who is no.6 having relationship with?
Pastor Jon Paran :P

19. Is no.9 a male or female?
MALE!

20. If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?
HAHA! you would have to ask them that...

22. What is no.2 studying about?
electrical engineering

23. When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?
this morning!

24. What kind of music band does no.8 like?
correct me if i'm wrong..United, Hillsong, Planetshakers, he's into the trance music scene too (i would name a few but i don't kno any hehe....) old school rock...

25. Does no.1 have any siblings?
YUP! 2 brothers & a younger sis

26. Will you woo no.3?
kuang...kuang....kuang! that would be againts my nature & i would rather eat boiled pork intestine (which i will NEVER touch as long as i shall live) but i don't mind helping her to woo someone though..hihihi...junior, at your service when the time comes, wokey :)

27. How about no.7?
HAHAHAHAHAHA! who came out with these atrocity of a question!! NEXT!

28. Is no.4 single?
yes! & very much available :) if we had a list of most eligible bachelorette - she might just top the list

29. What is the surname of no.5?
eeemmm...salang; which you could have easily picked up when you read the list

30. What’s the hobby of no.4?
any outdoor activity, sports

31. Does no.5 and 9 get along well?
so far so good..they've worked well on every project they were in together & yeah! they're good friends..

32. Where is no.2 studying at?
Curtin Uni

33. Talk something casually about no.1:
she loves *the* photographer hihi...

34. Have you tried developing feelings for no.8?
kuang...kuang...kuang! feelings of mutual respect & friendship adalah....NEXT!!!

35. Where does no.9 live at?
pujut 7

36. What colour does no.4 like?
hehe...dunno la..what ah, jo? Blue? Green?

37. Are no.5 and 1 best friend?
they go along very well...

-There’s No 38 and 39 -
ohhh…ok.

40. Does no.1 have any pets?
yes..CATS!

41. Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?
hehe..she can be if she want to :)

42. What is no. 10 doing now?
studying/working

#1. Grace! [you tag me so i tag you lo :)]
#2. Amy
#3. Kenaina
#4. Jo Tayun
#5. Ian Salang
#6. Rachel Raymond
#7. Dorothy
#8. kong lit tak
#9. Justin
#10. Randy

a time to reminisce

2008-06-30T05:47:00.008+08:00

have been super busy but thought i'll update this now... its 430 in the morning..am up doing some work & was looking through some old videos after that & boy! does it bring back lots of memories..

so..since i have some time before work...thought i'd share it with everyone..a blog tribute to my most unlikely friend/kaimui/flock - Joy

those of you who knows Joy..knows her exactly as her name implies..literally!

Yes, she does spread the joy! forcefully..pleasantly..annoyingly..sweetly & blurly ALL at the SAME time! (how does she do that? God only knows)

am not so sure when she is ever gonna read this blog because i bet she's preoccupied..but here goes...

the impromptu ice-queen competition
all for the sake of TWO barbecued chicken wings

the joy-ous hug
[ this hug must only be done by professional 'Joy-er' only. Viewers discretion advised ;) ]

Lip-synching
(on our way back from a mission conference from Port Dickson)

* post video note: that back end ONLY Joy can do that without a hint of embarassment, without a second thought but funny thing - that is exactly what we miss of you, babe!

so, joy! you might be across the South China Sea being at where you are suppose to be..doing what you are suppose to be doing but know for a fact that is exactly why our hearts are at peace because you are doing exactly what you are suppose to do.

God has opened this way for you. At the moment you desperately seeked His will..HE granted you your heart's desire (i'm still amaze at how He instilled that desire in you in the first place). I know it's not easy...there be expectations and responsibilities but set it right from the beggining that it is not people that we seek to impress but it's God we seek to please.

Do your best even in the ordinary as if you're doing it for Him. Enjoy the labour of your hands. Know when to say yes and NO..hehe...and above all, walk in faith in what God has told you and what you already know of Him. Make an effort to know Him more each day because we will never get enough of Him..

remember to must always take a time-out alone with God. We must learn to quiet ourselves before Him...I LOVE it when you shared with me how God spoke LIFE into situations or mentalities that you yourselve would have never thought was possible..DON't forget the lessons you have learn

So, after all that...

thought i'd end it with this...

one of our first major projects together :)

JOY and i

-major thankful mode-

rounding up

2008-05-28T23:36:00.023+08:00

been busy thus quiet..

but just a short round up on what has been going on..

1. EYM outing (mega fun!)
It was labours' day so EYM opted for a day out.

YC Chant

the people

breakfast

one of the station games - pass the message

stairs running

cucumber and bitter gourd - RAW!

Fill-the-bottle

taking the right step

pebble walk. 3 rounds per team.

Zooming in to the pebble walk...ouch!

yes..it was that intense..

the winner

and the newly formed 'Revolutionary' YC

2. Youth Sunday
Its been the first time after a long while that we were invited to do a youth service on a Sunday. What does that mean? it's sunday service but with the youth leading the programme & etc.

The guitarists

Worshipping together

Kenaina with her song. Ran out of tissues at this point...

Bidding farewell to Dorothy, who left us for Matrics study the next day. Missing her LOTS already! a major group hug followed after this, which kinda left her gasping for breath. Sorry, dor!

3. EYM Leaders' Retreat
Pastor John instructions sanked our hearts a little 'NO LAPTOP!' absolutely no distractions and you know what, he was right. The retreat for us was very crucial. It was time to take a step back and out before we moved on.

Where we stayed.

they sure don't make stairs like these anymore

traditional murals

the 'ruai'

doing our own 'time-out'

snacking

choki..glad to know this childhood snack is still around

Choki...you could eat it straight out of its tube or squeeze it on a bread (chocolate sandwich anyone?)

jasper leading the prayer.

Mirians and the ocean goes so intuned like a melody to a song..yedeh!!

sempat :)

So, these are what have happened so far. Thought i'll let the pictures do the talking this time.

God bless, ppl!

guess what....

2008-04-24T17:47:00.010+08:00

they're coming....

I'm going...

wanna come too?
(click if yes)

!! pSycHeD !!

of 'kids' & board..

2008-03-23T16:20:00.016+08:00

As i make my way through this chasm of responsiblities...i found out that i am in need of consistently telling myself to remember to do what needs to be done i.e. appointments, bills to pay, projects to finish & etc...

so, i decided in light of the whole situation to buy a white board to remind myself of the things that must be done..it's situated on the wall where i face it everytime i sit down to do my work in my room. So, i could always look up & remember to remember :P

the board!

As useful as the board is....

Example 1

Work checklist

Somehow...there's still 'space' for some people to inject some irrelevant things that i will never understand why...

Recent example

No 4 - Joy's request;
5 - Nick's;
6 - Amy's &
7 - Adeline's

'Kiddish' i tell you...tsk..tsk..tsk...

My answers

Now, kids...repeat after me.

1. This is Celine's board.
2. This is where she writes her very important adult duties.
3. The board may NOT be used for any kiddish scribbling whatsoever or whensoever.

So, in upholding the true tradition of board writing..my response..

Kids, grow up..

and btw, a final msg!

I do heart!

2008-02-26T23:40:00.014+08:00

United's coming out with a new album that's been long in the making. The reason it took so long?

There are 30 songs all together in there & the unique thing is that they will be using shots & videos from different concert venues for each song. 30 songs equal to 30 venues..

On side B of the album..in one of my 'favouritest' reprise aka tag of a song- 'Be lifted high' (that reprise will never cease to capture me), guess which concert venue they chose for that.

The one we went in '06. KL's!

So, can't wait :)

But all that aside, the trip to KL then was a God-thing, you know. Us hanging out together, sharing our live stories...it wasn't one teeny bit of a mistake.

I feel a story coming up..so lean back in your seat & hopefully, let this seep in..

Btw stories have many sides...

Back in '06...Amy, who is my voice of reason was listening to the songs on my laptop when she stumbled upon United's "Till I see You". She got hooked to it immediately & how she could not even know that song prior to that week still puzzles me.

It was around a week or so before our trip to KL and she was studying for her finals or something like that. The music calmed her down.

So, over and over again for that whole week, she let the song play. I didn't mind one bit cos i love it too.

But, i guess once a tune gets you - it REALLY gets you.

She hummed it in the airport, hummed it on the plane, in the LRT & monorail, walking in the city of KL...to a point, i remembered turning to her on the monorail train & said something like this 'If United by whatever reason will bring that song during the concert, i WILL scream at you!'

She gave me a sly smile & kept humming!

Ok..in my logic. I thought the song will not be brought because they just came out with a new album - "United we stand" & thought that most of the songs for the concert will be from there..

We were in for a surprise...

***********************end of 1st side of the story*************************

Drawing from a different angle of the story...

So, we were lining up to enter into the concert hall ok...but had one minor set back.

We felt awful because Joy, who was with us wasn't able to get a ticket into the concert. She had to wait in one of the meeting room where a live telecast of the concert would be shown and if there was an opening, only then will she be let inside.

I think she was on the verge of tears. You see, she was a late addition to the team, so we were not able to get a ticket for her but she was so psyched about the whole thing & said that she won't mind not being inside the concert hall.

But after spending time in the workshop with United & just hanging out together with us - it made her want to share the same experience together too.

We turned to her & said 'It's ok Joy. We've come this far and let's just pray that you will somehow be able to come in but in the end, though we came to see them in concert - it's not really them we're after. So, how so ever God chooses to answer; it's still the best answer.'

She puppy-dog-eyed said 'Ok.' So, we went up the staircase & she disappeared into the hallway.

***********************end of 2nd side of the story*************************

So, here we are lining up to the concert hall and the staircase was packed!

Because of the longer time we took in just talking to Joy, we found ourselves somewhere at the back of a REALLY long line and as we approached the foyer of the concert hall, we realized they were a LOT more people in front of us.

By the time we reached the entrance, the hall was already packed. Front seats were all taken..ah! to the back i guess..leaning against the cold back wall

A little dissapointed? yes, actually. We kinda came quite far for just this one night of concert. I told God i was dissapointed but we were already there and coming to the concert was something we all prayed about & knew we were there not by mistake.

So, we took a deep breath & reminded ourselves that it's still ok. Life doesn't end here.

***********************end of 3rd side of the story*************************

Anyhu..although we waited for a really long time to reach the entrance & the staircase was pack & a little stuffy...we found ourselves breaking into an acapella of songs while waiting at the staircase.

How did it started? Well, have you noticed the acoustics of enclosed staircases area?

We accidently did & we felt in love with it. The next thing we know, above the chatters of people and some frowning faces (haha! they were NOT frowning at us btw. Think KL people may tend to be a little uptight sometimes - just my opinion) we just sang.

So, that kinda put all of us into a mode of just wanting more of Him.

**********************end of 4th side of the story*************************

HOW IT ALL ENDED....

1. On the 4th or 5th song of the night..started out as an unrecognizable intro of a song, Michelle Fragar stepped out & sang 'Til we see You' and yes, i screamed at Amy but the moment i did that, she fell to the floor & just wept! and it's not because their singing her song but because God's presence was just so real & personal that we all just broke down. Mind you, we had that one particular song seeping into us for the past few days...Junior too looked lost in her worship.

2. As we were seated, we were still so much preoccupied with the thoughts of Joy. How much we wanted her here too. Texts were exchange vigorously just to check in on her. Then the concert started, she was still in the room and she finally said it's really is ok now. She can & will still worship where she is. We sighed. Sad but very touched on her new perspective. AND THEN! after the 1st song..if anyone could scream in a text, Joy could. She finally got in! Just like that..the moment she was willing to let go of her desperate heart desire then..God actually gave her her request.

3. As we were walking into the entrace, we could see & hear the MC on stage directing the people where to go & sit. Those in front of us turned to the left & sat at some of the few available seats near the back wall AND just as we were about to turn to that direction, we hear clearly above the noise the MC saying this 'Those group of people that just walk in, i encourage you to come & sit on the floor in front." FRONT!!! We were amazed how God just heard our whispers. And guess what..throughout the whole concert, the boys were at the 2nd row while we were on the 4th. We had full view on what was going on onstage..talked about coming from way back of the line!

4. In the midst of the concert, especially during "Till we see You" the whole place just soared into a deep worship. For the few of us that took this trip together - we who are friends, confidants, shoulders-to-cry-on, corporate goofballs, comrades in faith; that moment just went to another level in itself. Our worship went past the carpeted floor, cushioned seats, air-conditioned hall, amazing sound system and definitely went way past United. It went to Him. Him, who alone is the sole reason we live. Him, who NEVER cease to amaze us. Him, who strengthen us to go on to the next step. Him, who gave life in death. Him, who holds all things & all people in His hands. Him, who gave us a destiny.

The excitement was reserve for Him, the Lord of lords!

BTW..thought you all might wanna see this..

So...lessons learned? Let go and let God!

If we claimed to love Him then trust Him. If He gives us our desires - praise Him and if He doesn't - still praise Him.

He DOES have our utmost best interest in mind! Even better than we know..

Whatever He has mould us to be, whatsoever He desire us to be or to do - let's go towards that.

We mankind don't live that long..70 -90 yrs top.

What are we doing with our lives today?

'Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.' Psalm 90:12

Just be careful who or what we pursue. It might not be what you really want in the first place.

Heard this statement this week...'our chief and only purpose is to worship God.'

It is in recognising Him that we recognise ourselves, other people, the world and the dire needs around us..And only by knowing Him can we have the strength, courage & will to do what should be done.

Go with God people!

p.s. Not to forget..some snapshots!

them

us

us 2

the low down

2008-02-24T23:05:00.047+08:00

Yes..chessy title but i'm drawing kinda blank here so that's the best..

anyways, just some updates...

1. The last day of Chinese New Year which is chap goh mei just happened last thursday, so 2008 CNY is officially over. And as pure bred Malaysian, all throughout the CNY celebration; our duty of 'ngabang-ing' those that had open houses was not forgotten :) Had a good time visiting friends & families in their homes. The celebration was also a good excuse to brush up on those baking & cooking skills and it was impressive.

The selections of 'kuih-muih'

Taking a breather...Enjoying a seaside view from a hill

2. True to the CNY theme, we had a barbecue at Michelle's place. Beautiful yard, beautiful day.

The Lim clan

The extended Lim clan..vina & joy

Friends, cards & a sunny day

Around the table

some of us

Off to the beach

It's not what you think..it's just the camera in a slow shutter speed mode

Simple piece of equipment but tonnes of fun

Yes..it's as fun as it looks

The hostess delivering her impromptu speech

thanks, michelle! You were a great hostess..so, when's the next one? ;)

3. EYM food sale. The whole team came together on last saturday for the first ever EYM food sale. It was at CHC's car park overlooking the city...talk about a view!

The Dors (obviously it's not Jim Morrison) but Dorothy with her faithful assistant Dorothea

The drinks stall..the best iced lemon tea ever. If Jasper ever decide to run an all iced lemon tea selling shop, we will hog that place

Question: How many ppl does it take to start a barbecue pit fire?

The truck that sparked a funny conversation

Person 1: eehh..Nescafe truck. Coffee?
Person 2: Yup
Person 1: This must be Celine's arrangement.
Person 2: Huh?
Person 1: Well, you're the one who's into it.
Celine: *Grins widely* Kenaina, am i really that predictable?
Kenaina: *Rolls eyes slightly* eerrr...YEEESSSS!

Really?!
*Note to self: work harder on building an air of mystery*
then
*drop down to the floor rolling in laughter at the thought*

Rachel..enjoying the chicken

3. Cell group Sunday. The Church held it's first ever cell group sunday this weekend. What a treat to see everyone hundle up in their cells and coming together to greet everyone & as well as preparing a magnificient spread of lunch. It was also Dorothea's birthday so we went out for a pizza!

If you are in a CG, you get to be labelled :)

Tif & i

btw the new ride, which was provided quite timely. There's a story that involves a laying of hands & a prayer..but that's for next time

The birthday girl (centre)

Yum..

To dor, happy 11th birthday!

So, that's what has been happening so far.

Right now..in the midst of planning & praying for our Sarikei trip which will take place in 2 weeks time..will update on that very soon..

In the mean time, take care ppl!

Go with God!

my first...

2008-01-22T20:01:00.000+08:00

my first attempt of tag-response that is..

So, how does it go? You get tagged. You response to tag and then you pass along tag to other people..sweet!

LIST OUT THE TOP 5 PRESENTS YOU WISH FOR:
1. An all-paid trip to anywhere i want :)
2. Extra cash?
3. Vocal-training class
4. A telescope
5. A complete-set of 'The Chronicles of Narnia' collection or any of CS Lewis' books for that matter

LIST OUT THE REASONS FOR YOUR CHOICES:
1. Always loved travelling.
2. Have an opportunity to go to Switchfoot concert but due to the last trip in Dec, am running a little 'thin' OR maybe this is just the grown-up side of me thinking of the long-run.
3. Really want to get 'professionally' coached. Am eager to learn the tricks-of-the-trade. Why hasn't gone for it yet? Time! Me and time don't go very well in that direction yet. But am praying.
4. Had a deep interest in astronomy as a child. Still do, though i've forgotten everything i learned; that's why i will like to re-learnt it again. Interest birthed thanks to Greek mythology. Still a good read.
5. Had the whole Narnia collection as a child. Read it all the time, but don't know what happened - 3 out of the 7 books in the collection went missing over the years (sad!!). I want the exact same collection and not the cheap-looking paperback they have now :(

See what i mean? This was an early 80's collection,
where material quality was never compromised
over mass production.
*The sound and texture of flipping the pages - pleasure of the senses!

And NOT to forget. The artwork!!

Indulge me for a while..

From the 1st book; 'The magician's Nephew'

The royal still figures in the 1st book.

From the 3rd book 'The horse and his boy'

And i think this should be familliar to those who watched the movie.
From the 2nd book, the children with Mr & Mrs Beaver.

And this too.

What do i think about the movie?
It was nice seeing on the big screen; the characters you grew up with come to life but still, it wasn't as grand as I imagined but it was a thoroughly good movie.

anyways..back to the tag..

WHO TAGGED YOU:
Kenaina.

5 IMPRESSIONS OF HIM/HER:
1. Musical (very!)
2. Intuitive
3. Loves God
4. Loyal
5. Remarkably stronger than she knows :) (Your calm way of braving through things is remarkable, junior. Maybe it is that learning to wait on God that has made difficulties seem not really so overwhelming anymore. Carry on! )

MOST MEMORABLE THINGS HE/SHE HAS DONE FOR YOU:
Being such a good-sport on all the spontaneous and memorable projects we've done. hehe...wouldn't have been the same..

MOST LOVED INVENTION:
The internet!! Knowledge at your fingertips, exchange of ideas, meeting new people & bringing them closer, movies, musics, arts, science...

WHAT DO YOU DESPISE THE MOST:
Exploitation of any kind

6 PEOPLE YOU WANNA TAG:
Nick, Grace, Jessica, Amy, Michelle, Rachel

That was fun!

perks

2008-01-03T18:27:00.000+08:00

I fled Him down the nights and down the days.
I fled Him down the arches of the years.
I fled Him down the labyrinthine ways
of my own mind: And in the midst of tears
I hid from Him, and under running laughter
Up vistaed hopes i sped;
Down titanic glooms of chasmed fears
From those strong feet that followed, that followed after
For though i knew His love that followed
Yet i was sore adread
Lest having Him i have naught else beside.

All that i took from thee i did but take
Not for thy harms
But just that thou might'st seek it in My arms.
All which thy child's mistake fancies are lost
I have stored for thee at home:
"Rise, clasp My hand and come."

Halts by me that footfall:
is my gloom after all,
shade of His hand, outstretched caressingly.
Ah, fondest, blindest, weakest,

I am He whom thou seekest!
Thou dravest love from thee, that dravest Me.
-Hound of Heaven-
Francis Thompson

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.

Some love too little, some too long,
Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
Yet each man does not die.

And thus we rust Life's iron chain
Degraded and alone:
And some men curse, and some men weep,
And some men make no moan:
But God's eternal Laws are kind
And break the heart of stone.

And every human heart that breaks,
In prison-cell or yard,
Is as that broken box that gave
Its treasure to the Lord,
And filled the unclean leper's house
With the scent of costliest nard.

Ah! happy they whose hearts can break
And peace of pardon win!
How else may man make straight his plan
And cleanse his soul from Sin?
How else but through a broken heart
May Lord Christ enter in?

-The Ballad of reading Gaol-

Oscar Wilde

Wanted to post this for a while now but never really got round to it...some of my favourite poems. Penned by (to me) two of the most disturbingly honest writers. Francis Thompson led a truly sad life and Oscar Wilde was a genius but a suffering soul. Well, it's still an amazing insights.

Anyways; it's update time..

1. Back at work..first week of school. Finding the new role quite interesting. We have new teachers that are joining us, which is a big help. At first did feel kinda intimidated cos we've got some really experienced teachers coming in & i kinda had to give them directives on how the school works. Part of me still can't believe i'm a young working *dreading this* ADULT..haha! Time have sure flown . But it's not without its perks though. With all that God has done & all the life lessons i've gone through..i won't trade where i am now with anyone else or any other time but the present. None the less, work still must be done. Learning so much on the working life now & yeah! it's fun being an adult...

2. EYM is undergoing some changes in the structure & our meeting time & place. Joanna who has turned out to be so dear to us will not be able to commit as EYM committee anymore but she has promised that she'll still be more than happy to help us out in anything that we might need. So, that still fine with us...anyhu, the major change...EYM's moving to ARC from mid feb onwards & service time will be from 5.30-7.30pm..

3. Seems like the new year kicked off with some extra added responsibilities & roles. Some shift of priorities now but at least this i know for sure, i'm taking it up because i want to & i know i should. Besides work's, church now comes with a whole new level of a role . Though am still figuring things out and seeking for directions on the next step in this role, i'm excited on the new challenge. It feels awkward & strange but just the perfect push to be in that place where you know you're helpless but so wanna help, and in the midst of it; you find yourself seeking Him so much that He becomes so close that a whisper is heard. Anyways, the church is His instrument & the only one medium where His standard and His kingdom is revealed to the world. And we are the church . We should be the ones who really understand and know how life really works.

4. The trip down to west m'sia made me remember how much i love travelling. So, by God's grace would like to do that more this year but not really travelling for travelling sake, you know. To elaborate..allow me to tell you this story;

2 years back, i was on the last flight to KL. And just before going into the departure hall i went for a cup of coffee...noticed this guy who was also sitting there & funny thing is i just totally had this strong feeling i might know him but truth is, he was a total stranger.

Then i met with an old classmate & we got to talk.We boarded the same flight, so naturally i was engrossed in talking to her. Told myself i wanna sit with her on the plane so we could continue talking (mana tau boleh plan the seed..hehe..) But somehow, she wanted an aisle seat & there were already passenger in the next chair to her. So, i took the the aisle seat across hers which was available & as i sat down, then i realized sitting at the window seat of my row was the guy i saw at the cafe (strange alarms sounded off in my head)..

He was reading & i was still engross in my talk & that was it..well, only for the next 30 minutes.

After a while, my friend & i stopped talking because it was the last flight out & many of the passengers were trying to rest. So, i took my book out & read. From the corner of my eyes, i kinda caught a glimspe of what he was reading. It looked like a chinese Bible. So, i thought..cool! But he's a guy. In honesty, if it was a girl sitting there; i would have in all confidence strike up a conversation.

But when it comes to a guy who barely looked like he was in his twenties & a total stranger - i won't (believe in or not..the feeling i felt was close to 'malu'..i don't think i feel it often but i know how it feels..haha!!) but as i sat there reading, i just cannot shake of the feeling that i MUST speak to him to a point it felt as if there was a nudge and a whisper at my side to do it. BUT what would i say? Dah la my chinese so terrible, how would we converse? Guy again! How would it look?- those were my thoughts.

And as i sat there battling these questions..i came to a part of the book that i'm reading that had these verses jump out at me ' Althought the Lord gives you bread of adversity & water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it". Isa. 30:20-21.

THAT WAS IT! I put down the book..mustered my strengths & steadied my nerves and said 'HI"

As it turns out, Song (the guy's name) is a 25 yr old Korean. It was a strange looking conversation..in between me speaking no korean & his broken english we had a lot of hand signals to try to explain things. But none the less, it actually turn out to be quite unforgetable.

He was on his way to KL after visiting mulu caves & 'rave' about how great it was. I told him the irony of me being a mirian but have never stepped into mulu before. He suggested 'Next time, we go together.' sounds like a plan to me.. anyhu..the interesting thing is this.

He is a Christian..who became very committed to his faith after the dad who was a pastor past away a few years back. I asked him what he sees himself doing in the near future and he actually was able to tell me that he wanted to own a travel agency that will look into the needs of missionaries especially when they're travelling.

He seemed to have a love for travelling & the mission field. I told him that i too would wanna be involve in the mission field & joked that if i were to travel under his agency that i would get a major discount..he said ok..

so for the next 90minutes of the flight...we kept on talking. Not bad for 2 strangers who don't even speak a common fluent language..

Why am i telling you this? because that same feeling that i KNOW i should talk to him is the very same one i want to have for this next plan of mine. If i had one wish, i would want to travel some of the places i've always wanted to go..but i don't want it to be for leisure sake only. It must mean something..

What are the places, i hear you ask? hehe..

The kathmandu treks in Nepal, the streets of India and a place call Ooty, Angkor wat in Cambodia, the floating market of thailand, the amazon river & rainforest, the ruins of old Greece and it's seaside villages and Prague.

Sadness for me is to be where you wanted to be and finding it isn't really what you want.

So, because of that, i will wait. And as i wait, He is at work..bringing people & situations into my life and it is beautiful because of who He is. So, this is my dream but it doesn't really matter where as long as He is there..but btw, HE HAS NEVER FAIL!

So, to our God who hears our prayers & know our dreams & hope..it is well!

Thought i leave you with these pics...

Touch down at the airport with Song.

Korean Bible

Blessed new year, everyone!!

GirLs OnLy (visual version)

2007-12-12T18:46:00.000+08:00

Am back! So much to tell...but need to refrain for now. My everyday-ness beckons :) But am glad to be back..really! gearing for Christmas & next yr's plans...kinda scary but exciting at the same time.

But have no fear, won't leave you in the dark..so, here's a visual version on what has happened on our all-girls-trip to the west of our 'usually-sunny-but-dunno-wat-happened-to-the-weather-now' country Malaysia..

First, Port Dickson

our room

Banana boat

with pr Richard. Mind-blowing sharing.

our phones & their owners saying good-bye..for now :)

Under the arch

loved the beach

Then KL

Starbucks mural

Christmas at midvalley

dreamy

Alor Setar & Langkawi

think we got what it takes?

at the crew-only cabin

wind-blowing in our face moment

bidding farewell. til we are back again..

Lastly, back to KL before going home...

ehemm..last but not least..what we saw at LIMA

for the written version...just stay tuned.

God bless, ppl! and a blessed Christmas ahead!

*Check out Joy's shots

just so you know..

2007-11-28T23:11:00.000+08:00

Still in the wake of the end of Relentless 07 (kinda oxymoron, kan? wake of the end..hehe...but that's not what i'm going to expound on today)

currently:
1. Packing up for a 12 day trip to PD-KL-Alor Setar-Langkawi-KL-home. If you all have been reading you know it's a trip that has been in my heart for a long time now. The mission conference in PD is really something i'm looking forward to. On the agenda also, church visiting (note pads, tape recorder & pen; set & ready)! So totally looking forward to this too.

2. Still in its preliminary stages..Free2Be '08. Just had the 1st meeting. Will keep you all posted. Will need willing hands, feet & hearts :) & it's still at the indoor stadium. 5000 capacity, ppl!

3. Sorting through Relentless 07 pics. Give us a little more time for this, ppl. Will release it all out when done.

4. Gali punya gali...found AW Tozer's book called ' The pursuit of God' at pr John's. Highly recommend it to all. Still reading it but already in my favourite list.

ok..now that's done. Allow me to do some moments of reminiscence here.

The past 3 weeks have been unbelievable. I don't think i have presently felt as stretched as what have transpired during that time. Had to take up major decisions role on 3 simultaneous projects at work.

Then at the SAME time, Relentless was speeding through with more details to look into (for the first time i could feel my brain literally compartmentalizing itself. Visualising what to do, who to do it, how to do it etc.).

And to make it kinda super-strectching, my parents weren't home during that period & the domestic responsibility was added. Although, kudos to Nick for being able to be the more responsible one.

Now in all this,
tired, helpless, kinda-desperate situation..i had sooo many things to be thankful for.

Number 1: I had people i could turn to. At first reaction, when a task is given...the diminishing 'choleric' part of me wants to control it to the point of scrunitizing details. But it doesn't work that way. For my work projects, i had to learn to delegate and trust. So, it was with Relentless. Yes, you still have to follow-up but you have a team; use them. There was a great beauty in all this though. Each of us learned how important in the face of mounting duty to still put God first. He deserves the place of honour & where else will it be more stubbornly ingrained in us if not through the toughest of our lives moments. The place where you could feel the strain running down your neck :) So, to the Relentless team(EYM & VCF); you have been a great encouragement. Through your subtle way of enduring & hoping & working out the difficulties in faith..has stirred me deep. And yes, i've said this before, i'm saying it again..our roles are NO coincidence.

Number 2: Met with so many interesting & 'real' people this week. The ever-putting-you-on-the-edge-of-your-seat FGA KL team, pr Nirhal of BOH was also down for 'Godman', a missionary couple from the states, the Sarikei & Bintulu youth...and the funny thing is, each & every meeting & fellowship never felt wrong. like there were pieces of puzzle of a big picture designed to fit certain needs that time and for the not-so-distant future. The meetings not only challenged us back to the right direction but it also illuminates just enough for the next step.

Number 3: God never fail. PERIOD! When we have done all that we can, when we have given our best, when we have seek His face & will; there is where we let go & let God! Nothing wrong to give your very best in your work & duty (Even Daniel & Joseph from the Bible did their work excellently under unbelieving masters, what more to say us today) Anyways, whether we 'succeed' we 'succeed' in Him. Whether we 'fail' we 'fail' in Him. This is where the threshold of faith starts. At least we could say, we have done to our very best. I know no amount of work can ever replace grace..we are saved by grace! But shouldn't the act of showing our love for Him, working our bodies for His will be natural to those who call Him Saviour. Anyways, the art or faith of knowing when to hold on and when to let go, cannot really be taught. We must learned for ourselves and constantly be reminded.

So, at the end of it all...God is still the hero here! He is the centre where everything revolves around. I'm just happy that I'm on the ride & that He's leading. So, before i end this post...(might be quiet for the next following weeks..) some stuff on the events that have happened..

the Relentless 07-FGA KL sent-off

the much needed sushi-break in Brunei

Niah Trip with Pr Ros & company :)

Relentless '07 welcome note

The Relentless dance workshop

Go with God, ppl!

Relentless 07

2007-11-26T02:39:00.000+08:00

Still preoccupied, ppl...but just want to let this out - God is awesome! really!

anyways..Relentless 07 is over but the lessons learned and truth imparted are just beginning.

We made new friends, learnt so many hard but crucial lessons, came together as a team in so many ways (i.e. drama, ushers, parade!, p&w & etc) and above all God met us.

The only thing now, let's do what must and should be done! the work is not over. We were again reminded..let's move onward & forward in Christ! His way, His time!

anyways...here's some pics of the event..it's only the 1st night..till i get my hands on the 2nd & 3rd nights plus the workshops..in the mean time..this is it

God bless!

Birthday blog

2007-11-13T08:39:00.000+08:00

Guess what? another birthday entry..

November seems to be busy with birthdays..lots of them are even on the same day..Vina shares her birthday with another friend from YA..

and on the 11th..my mother..the queen of my heart..who's funny even when she's not aware of it..the voice of reason..the bank of wisdom..the contagious goof-ball...turned 46..

and she shares the same birthday with our worship coordinator, uncle stanley and guess who else..Leonardo DiCaprio..HAHA! ya..just so you know.

anyways was raining non-stop from morning that day & initial plan was to go to taman selera early in the evening for kerang (the birthday girl's favourite dish) & crabs. But because of the rain we just hung around at home first..watching Shaolin Soccer. Forgot how funny that movie is..

tif & dor were with us, which added to the fun of staying home with them.

we finally did go out, braving the rain..but it's all worth it.

for your enlightment, my mum is not really that complicated..she loves - God, her family, her friends, people & food..hehe..and that evening we had a healthy dose of everything.

So, happy birthday mum! may you continue to have many more fruitful years to come..

p.s. her potential conquest this year..climbing to the peak of Mt Kinabalu. my parents will be leaving for it next week. do uphold their trip in prayers.

some snap shots of the day's event

Tif & my dad adding some cultural flavour

The essential ABC - air/ais batu campur..well something like that

yes. Nick took all the shots :)

An overview

it was raining & cold, which made it more comfortable in our hoodie :) love this shot

the Birthday girl

*in a whisper *
yeah! i love my mum..

hehe..God bless, ppl!